


Roll with the Punches

by fightoffyourdemons



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Artist!Sirius, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Past Child Abuse, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, boxer!remus, it's not all gunna be horrible back story i promise they're gunna fall in loooooove, remus is a badass and his dad sucks, surprise sirius' whole family sucks, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:02:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29830881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fightoffyourdemons/pseuds/fightoffyourdemons
Summary: Remus was taken from his family and forced into an illegal boxing operation when he was a child as a result of his father's indiscretions.Sirius broke away from his vile family the first moment he could but continues to deal with the effects of their abuse well into adulthood.Can working together at an art co-op help them both move beyond the darkness that looms over their pasts, or will it push them onto a path that drives them deeper into the underground they both desperately fought to escape?(fair warning, lots of darkness - but also adorable wolfstar will happen i swear)as of right now, the implied non-con is very, very lightly implied, but that may change in later chapters. if it does, I'll be sure to give warning. ♡
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, y'all - this is my first time writing fiction in about 8 years, so please be gentle. ❤  
> This is ultimately a Wolfstar fic, which means happy sappy love (I promise), but there's also a lot of darkness. Be kind to yourselves.

Remus was ten years old when he first went to work for Greyback. Then, it was just a few weekends here or there, filling water bottles, running towels, wiping blood from the ring between rounds. He remembered the first night he was taken - his father was home late from work and even at ten, Remus could hear the fear in his mother's voice as Lyall burst through the front door.

"What did you _do_?" she demanded, her Welsh lilt dragging out the words just slightly.

"My job, Hope. What would you have had me do?"

"Something that wouldn't put your family at risk-your only _son_ at _risk_ , Lyall."

"No one else was standing up! They _know_ about that company's connection to organized crime. This was our chance to start proving it! Underground fights? Who else would be funding it? This was how we could finally start putting the pieces together." Lyall, who had been pacing the living room as he spoke, turned to grip Hope's hands, begging her to understand.

A sharp knock came at the front door.

"No," Hope said softly, "this was how your family got ripped apart."

She was quiet that night, as Remus was pulled out the front door by rough, unfamiliar hands to be met with a feral grin and a guttural, "Hello, little one."

He remembered her silence most, reserved and accepting. It calmed him on some level, and yet made it that much worse just a few years later when her traditional diffidence was replaced by loud opposition one evening when Greyback's knuckles rapped on their door with a few extra silhouettes at his back.

Remus knew this was how it'd go. All of thirteen, but he wasn't stupid. He knew what his father was researching late in his study at night, knew the threats Greyback sent home with Remus each weekend were landing on deaf ears. Lyall couldn't put it to rest - he'd uncover this underground corruption if it killed him.

Only, Remus couldn't help but think as he was led from his family's cottage that final time, it wasn't Lyall these repercussions were falling on, was it?

The sun was shining, he remembered noting. His mother's sobs could still be heard as he ducked into a black SUV. Wasn't it meant to rain at times like these?

* * *

It had been raining for a week. Remus didn't get out of the dark, twisting tunnels of the underground very often, but the high windows in the abandoned warehouse that doubled as the Gym hadn't had a reprieve from the constant batter of rain for days.

His shabby skateboard rolled slightly under his legs, forgotten as his eyes raked over the book in his hands. The small ramps he had macgyvered into existence in the tunnels needed some maintenance, which meant copping some tools on their next job. For now, the beat-up bilingual thesaurus in his hands was more than enough to keep him absorbed. It wouldn't teach him sentence structures yet, no, but his ability to hold onto everything he read meant he'd have a solid vocabulary when he was ready to start.

At this point, the time he'd spent away from his childhood home was over half the time he'd actually spent in it, but growing up in a bilingual household had its lasting effects. He'd been comfortable with both English and Welsh before he'd left - his mother being insistent on the latter - and had been gone a decent way into learning French.

At fifteen, his originally promised adolescence of modest prep schools and tutors had been exchanged for secondhand bookshops and pinched novels, but Remus continued to consume every piece of knowledge he could get his hands on. His passable French could easily be considered fluent at this point and if his latest read was any indication, he'd hardly be stopping at three languages.

"Blimey, Lupin! You really readin' again? I fink you're in the same spot I left you in yesterday."

Remus raised an eyebrow at Travers, who made an exorbitant amount of noise for just one man. The double doors behind him swung and clattered as Remus continued to stare, wondering silently why he was being disturbed.

"C'mon, then!" Travers exclaimed. "Boss has a job for us, don' he?"

Remus shrugged, but placed his book on his board and started to rise.

"What's he got us doing?"

Now it was Travers' turn to shrug. They wound their way through the tunnels, Travers following some directions someone must have passed on to him earlier.

"Lifting some inventory from some warehouse or other, yeah? I dunno, I'm just going where they tell me."

The two emerged into a dilapidated alley nearly identical to every alley connected to the tunnels. Scabior was already there, a few men waiting in the shadows being him.

"You're up, little one." Scabior hummed.

Remus suppressed a shudder. Sure, Greyback's nickname has stuck over the years, and even Remus had to admit he was on the small side, but Greyback and Scabior always managed to make it sound defiled. It wasn't just a name out of their mouths, it was a promise and a reminder. It was "You owe us." mixed with a bit of "You belong to us." It highlighted the uncomfortable awareness Remus had that he'd never be more than a tool for the people around him.

With a sigh, Remus hopped a couple of times and stretch for a second before bolting toward the building in front of them. A few jumps off an inner corners' walls and a solid reach upward got his hands secured on a ledge outside a window two stories up. Pulling himself onto the ledge and beginning to jimmy the window open, Remus looked down and snorted as he imagined the brutes below him attempting parkour. The thought kept a smirk on his face as he slipped through the newly opened window and down the gloomy corridors until he opened the front door for his colleagues. If he pocketed a few scattered tools along the way, that was none of their business.

Remus lit a cigarette and leaned against the wall outside the building, pretending for just one drag that he was simply a kid stealing a smoke behind the schoolyard instead of keeping watch for a gang of organized criminals.

* * *

The first night Remus fought, had started out like any other. He'd always hated fight nights. The stench of sweat clung inside his nostrils. Raucous noise without an inkling of melody pounded in his ears as limbs fueled largely by alcohol _accidentally_ brushed his hips while he made his way through the crown to tend the VIP area. The crisp suits may look stark next to the rest of the crowd tonight, but Remus knew those well-manicured hands could be just as vile as any other.

Spotting a lull, Remus darted past the crown to watch the ring from the back wall for a moment. While he hated fight nights, he couldn't deny that the fights themselves were compelling; all raw force and energy. He stood, mesmerized by tonight's match-up, equally impressed and horrified. These fights weren't the staged ones you could find on the telly. No, people didn't always make it out of the ring after these.

"Enjoying yourself, little one?" A growl came low in his ear, making Remus jump. He made as if he were just grabbing some new towels, but a large hand wrapped itself around the back of his neck. He cringed as Fenrir's breath punctuated the words drifting into Remus' ear. "Wouldn't be lazing about if I were you - not right now, anyway."

Remus turned his eyes up enough to catch the ever-present feral smirk widen on Greyback's face.

"Y'see, that dear old dad o' yours still had so many questions in his pockets. They weighed him down when he went for a swim earlier this evening."

A part of Remus knew her ought to be upset that his father's body was likely floating in the Thames as they spoke, but he could only think of the unheeded threats he'd been forced to carry home as a child, of the years spent in this dismal gym when the kids he'd grown up with attended school, of how a misplaced idea of justice had meant more to Lyall Lupin than his own son. A numbness washed over Remus and he realized Greyback was still speaking.

"-to thinking, yeah? Do we keep you around now your da's gone? Boss says no loose ends, but then-" Fenrir grabbed a stray lock of Remus' hair with his free hand and rolled it between two fingers, "-I've grown pretty fond of having you around."

Remus squeezed his eyes shut and focused on his own breathing, rather than the hot breath still hitting his ear.

"Tell you what, let's let the ring decide, shall we?"

His eyes snapped back open as Fenrir's hand dropped down to Remus' arm and began to pull him into the crowd. For a wild second, Remus dug his heels in and Greyback's grip slid down to his wrist before tightening.

"No, please, sir, I-"

"Try that again and I send you in there with a broken wrist," Greyback growled.

The ring loomed larger and larger in Remus' view until he was being shoved through the ropes. He had the presence of mind to be thankful he wasn't trembling as he took in his opponent across the ring. The guy was fairly new, if Remus was remembering correctly; only his second or third night.

Maybe luck will be on my side, Remus thought optimistically as he looked down at his unsuitable t-shirt and jeans, feeling anything but.

"Fuck," Remus breathed out.

A figure lunged toward him and he realized the bell must have been rung. Was that blood pounding in his ears? Christ, he had to pay attention.

A few jabs came his way and Remus found he could easily avoid them. At sixteen - no, was he seventeen now? He couldn't remember - he had finally shot up and now stood a head above many of the guys he ended up on jobs with, but parkour and skateboarding kept him lean and agile.

He couldn't keep dipping beneath this guy's swings forever though. Making sure not to tuck his thumb into it, Remus hurled a first at the face across from him. He was so shocked when it landed that he nearly forgot to avoid the subsequent jab from his opponent. Narrowly avoiding knuckles to his jaw, Remus evaded again and came back with his own onslaught of offense.

For half a moment, it seemed as if Remus could actually win this fight. Then, everything went **black.**

* * *

A groan awoke him to a world of pain a few hours later and it took him a moment to realize it had torn from his own lips. Gingerly, he opened one eye - the other one was swollen shut and refusing to cooperate. He was in the small room off the main Gym where he usually slept. Had he gotten himself here? An ice pack landed in his lap and he sucked in a breath.

"You'll get 3% per fight," he heard Greyback's low voice above him. "Everyone else makes ten. Win a few fights and we can talk about it again."  
He strode out of the room and into the Gym as Remus was left to wonder if this was the frying pan or the fire he found himself in.


	2. Chapter 2

At any given time, there was a pretty good chance Sirius had a camera in his hands. Today, he was rolling lazily on his longboard, stealing a few shots at the skate park before he lost the light.

He ran an art co-op with some of his friends - think part art studio, part shelter, part LGBT safe space. Basically, everything that would have helped him when he found himself on the streets at 15. One of the co-ops main sponsors, he was proud to say, was his own company, Black Arts, which focused on both impromptu and commissioned portraits.

The unplanned ones tended to be his favorites. He got to visit unusual spaces and events, meet new people, ask them invasive questions about their life in the name of art. It was amazing what people would share with a few hundred thousand Instagram followers that they've never met. He'd had people talk in detail of the worst moment of their lives as easily and as often as those who choose to relive their happiest memory or share a small piece of wisdom. Sometimes people just need a platform to _feel_ and Sirius loved giving that to people.

Sirius was on the hunt today for those in need of a platform and the skate park never disappointed. It was always full of new people and exactly the kind he was looking for. Sure, he'd photograph anyone and listen to their story, but he tried to elevate the stories from the underground more than any. If you have a platform, why not try to use it to help those in need of a voice?

He'd just given a card for the Co-op to a group of queer kids who looked like they hadn't slept in a real bed in weeks. He turned from the group to a vision of a silhouette against the setting sun. It flipped and turned over a board, performing tricks Sirius couldn't even name.

He grabbed his camera and lined up some shots before the light finally shifted below the horizon. As a purple haze fell over the park and the buzz of the streetlights popped on, Sirius saw the figure kick up his board and jump up to sit on the edge of the pipe he had been riding. Sirius blinked as the man before him pulled out a book of all things and pointed it toward the now glowing streetlight above him.

Picking up his own board, Sirius strode across the park. He needed to hear this guy's story.

"Real page-turner?" He shouted up to the reader on the half-pipe's ledge. Sirius didn't receive a response other than a single raised eyebrow. A few seconds' climb and his head popped over the deck to bring him level with his (he was determined) conversation partner.

"It's not bad," the guy said, eyebrow still quirked as Sirius settled next to him.

Up close now, Sirius was surprised to find that the unraised eyebrow on the man across from him had a jagged scar through it. In fact, upon closer inspection, a number of scars marred his profile; across the nose where it curved just slightly, along the jawline. Sirius couldn't help but think it a beautiful face, even marked as it was. He also thought, with a jolt, that he may have been staring too long.

"Sirius," he offered a hand.

"Are you?" the stranger took it. Without pausing, Sirius went into his spiel, thrusting a business card at him.

"I run an art co-op and shelter for LGBT kids. One of my main projects to help fund it is candid street photography. Usually, I try to share the subject's story a bit or even just a quick statement from them. Mind if I feature you?"

"I, uh... wouldn't know where to start." The eyebrow had finally lowered itself.

"How about your name?" Sirius prompted. It was quiet for a moment and Sirius got a distinct impression that the other man was deciding whether or not to give him his real one.

"Remus," he offered after the pause.

"So what do you say, Remus?" The name tasted like a liquid shot in Sirius' mouth.

"No shots of my face, please?"

Sirius' mind went to the scars his eyes had been drawn to a few moments ago, to the fading bruise he could still see faintly on Remus' cheek. Sirius thought them gorgeous in a way, but he could respect the man's request easily enough, so he nodded. His experience helping kids out of abusive situations made him concerned though.

"Mind if I ask how you got that bruise?" Sirius inquired.

"I'm the head fighter for an underground illegal boxing operation." Remus deadpanned.

Sirius snorted, used to people deflecting the hard questions with humor, and decided to throw a softball instead.

"So tell me about your skating. I've never seen a style like yours - when did you start?"

Remus seemed a little shocked by the question.

"Oh, well... I'm not sure I can speak to styles. I learned by trial and error, mostly. Plus, I was learning my way around some parkour at the same time I picked up a board, so I think I started mixing the two together somewhere along the line. There was no one to teach me the right way to do things and there wasn't much else to pass the time down in-where I grew up..."

Sirius nodded. He had thought he was picking up on the slightest hint of a Welsh accent, but maybe he was wrong. Wales was a bit north of London; up, not down.

"What kind of advice would you give to others who want to get into skateboarding?"

"Pick up a board," Remus laughed, a hand self-consciously running through the russet curls atop his head. What Sirius wouldn't give to have his own fingers running through them... Shit, it had been a minute since he had had a thought like _that_. Especially now - work had been his distraction from all things romantic for...well, for years. How dare a thought like that intrude here and now? Sirius coughed and focused again on Remus' words.

"It sounds stupid, but that's all I did when I was 14. Now I've been skating for - Christ, ten? Eleven years? You're gonna get knocked down, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't get back up."

"What's it feel like? When you're up on the board, I mean."

There was the slightest pause and Sirius saw Remus' leg start bouncing a bit. He couldn't help but take in how long they were in their jeans, cuffed over some boots. A long cardigan nearly swallowed the man's hands and the detail caused Sirius' more unwelcome thoughts to quiet for a blissful moment. All in all, an odd ensemble for working up a sweat, no? In June, no less.

"Well, it's boundless, yeah?" Remus began. "It's speed and weightlessness all wrapped into one. Nothing to hold you down except gravity, and for a few moments, you can even defy that."

Remus' eyes were a bit unfocused, his mind focused on the thought of ethereal velocity. Sirius couldn't help but wonder what those eyes looked like as they opened to the world each morning.

_Shit. This was going to be dangerous, wasn't it?_

* * *

Sirius sat on one of the worn couches in the center of the Co-op's main room. His private office was just a few feet away, but more often than not, he did most of his work outside of it. He liked the constant stream of people passing by as he edited or wrote. Sitting behind a desk in a cramped room would hardly help him focus. Not on work, at least.

The openness of the main room calmed him. Once an office space, the Co-op now resembled an underground music venue more than anything. He had purchased it on the spot nearly six years ago now, when he was _supposed_ to be looking for an art studio to _rent._

He had never regretted it though. Just after he had finished school, his Uncle Alphard had left him a substantial sum, as one final "fuck you" to those still held in high esteem on the Black family tapestry. The minute he saw the space, Sirius knew it'd be perfect for something like the Co-op. Plus, it had the added benefit of being something his family would loathe the thought of their money funding. While he tried, on the whole, to never think of them, he did get some satisfaction when imagining his parents' appalled and disgusted faces if they ever learned how Alphard's money had been spent. Sirius thought his uncle would approve.

The second it was officially his, he'd started throwing paint at the walls. James and Lily, his two best friends, had found him there hours later, covered in paint himself, as well as a large mural along the back wall featuring hundreds of cartoon eyes. Each pupil was painted with the colors of different LGBT+ pride flags. Instead of asking what the hell Sirius was doing, they'd simply smiled and picked up a few paintbrushes of their own. These days, no white space from the original offices was even visible anymore. A line of old arcade cabinets stood in one corner of the wide room near the cluster of old couches where Sirius currently lounged. A few small skate ramps were scattered around toward the back of the room where a small stage also lay. Occasionally they'd have a local band play, but more often than not it was used for open mic nights. Some rooms broke off the main one where they'd hold workshops or even classes; two of his friends who worked as therapists volunteered their time to run some therapy groups when they could.

This afternoon, only a few kids were around. The weather was nice and it was a weekday, which usually meant the Co-op wouldn't start to fill for a while yet. Maybe some of the luckier ones were even in school today, Sirius thought.

He scrolled through his shots from the skate park yesterday as they finished importing to his laptop. The ones from earlier in the day were alright, but he'd be lying to himself if he didn't admit that the ones he took during the sunset were the best - definitely worthy for the site. He sighed, pulling the images of Remus into a separate folder to sort through with more focus.

"Everything okay?" James jumped over the back of the couch to land next to Sirius.

"Yeah, just - I dunno, frustrated with yesterday's shots," Sirius sighed again. James leaned closer to the screen as Sirius idly scrolled through the new folder.

"Why? These look incredible. Skate park shots always do, but the way you lined up the sun here is amazing," James offered.

"That's not why I'm frustrated," Sirius grumbled. James' eyes widened and Sirius wished he hadn't said anything. He passed a hand over his own eyes, trying to rub away his brain while he was at it.

"Do my ears deceive me? Is my brother _attracted to someone_?" James asked. Sirius smiled at the term. They'd taken to calling each other brothers when they were still kids in school. It became even more applicable later when the Potters had welcomed Sirius into their home at 15. His own brother, Regulus, still had his name in perfect order on the Black family tapestry, so Sirius was more than happy to let that word remind him of James instead.

"I'm not-It's not... You know I don't date." Sirius finally got out.

"You know I don't agree with that ridiculous self-imposed rule." James countered.

"It would be nice to see you happy," a voice came from the other side of the couch as Sirius and James turned to see Lily settling next to them.

"I am happy," Sirius objected. "The Co-op is growing faster than we can handle, Black Arts is getting sponsorship and collab offers on the daily. This is everything I've been working for."

"You know that's not what she meant, Padfoot," James countered again, as Lily jumped in.

"We want to see you _with_ someone. When's the last time you even hooked up with a guy?" she asked. "Not that sex is the be-all-end-all in life, obviously asexuality is a thing and it's valid, but... well, we know that's not the case with you..."

"I just... you know what they did to-" The sentence got stuck in Sirius' throat, but he didn't need to finish it. 

"That was 7 years ago, Sirius. You've been so much more careful since then; Black Arts is fully anonymous, the complete opposite of how Let Me Be Perfectly Queer was." James said, referencing Sirius' initial blog from back when he was still a teenager. "Your face has never been on it, your name has never been hinted at since the front-facing title is about society, rather than literally Black Arts. Hell, you haven't even posted any photos around the Co-op. They wouldn't know you run it, they can't."

"They don't know where you are anymore," Lily promised. "It's been ten years since you left that house, Sirius. Please don't let them continue to rule your life like this."

Sirius sighed, wishing he could believe her, but knowing in his heart that she didn't know just how far-reaching the House of Black could be. Not like he did, at least. Still, he nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gunna be a hella obscure reference, but the Co-op is largely based on the Stood at Purchase College circa 2011ish... so on the off chance you went there or run a Google search, you know what it looks like. :)


	3. Chapter 3

Remus loved climbing. After spending the majority of his teen years in the dank tunnels surrounding the Gym, there was nothing he loved more on his days off than reaching the top of a long-abandoned building. Looking out at the open sky gave Remus a feeling of boundlessness that he had only felt on his skateboard when he was younger.

Today's climb was through what must have been a hospital at some point. He'd explored it in-depth when he'd first stumbled upon it a few years back - found rusting bed frames among the graffitied hallways and dust. Now, he passed them by without a second glance as he made his way through to the broken window he knew lay in the third room on the left. The office room just upstairs had a balcony, which, Remus had learned, could help get him to the roof with a few well-placed jumps.

The hospital was one of Remus' favorite places to come to when he wanted to pretend his life had gone differently. The building was outside of the main city limits and was surrounded by some actual greenery - the complete opposite of the Gym in a lot of ways. He sat on the highest point of the roof as he looked out on the sun-drenched leaves. In another world, he would have grown up scaling branches like the ones in front of him instead of buildings.

Remus sighed as he pulled out a cigarette to light. His mind had been betraying him lately, thinking up scenarios where he told Greyback to fuck off and never entered a ring ever again. In others, he simply slipped off without a word and start a new life elsewhere. Remus knew his daydreams were closer to delusions though. Standing up to Greyback would be a surefire way to ensure an ending reminiscent of his father's. And there was nowhere he could go where Greyback wouldn't find him; it was part of why he'd rarely tried to run out on a job when he was younger, or even later when he was finally able to live on his own. 

That, and he'd be lying if it didn't admit that the money was decent. Sure, he'd mostly spent the first few months in the ring all those years ago as a lanky, unsteady idiot, but as he learned real techniques and trained more often, he slowly began winning regular matches. For the second time in his life, Remus started mixing his parkour skills where they probably didn't belong, but his uncanny ability to flip and weave around his opponents slowly moved him up the roster until he was Greyback's top fighter. No, his style could hardly be considered polished and it'd never be accepted in a legitimate ring, but organizations that forced teenagers into deadly fighting rings clearly weren't too concerned with official rules.

The extra money his position brought in eventually meant that he could afford his own flat. Greyback had allowed it, pressing a phone into Remus' hand and assuring him that Remus would come when called.

Remus stubbed out the cigarette as he wondered if that cell-phone-tethered allowance was the last vestige of freedom that'd be tossed his way. He sighed again and got up to stretch. Working out usually helped clear his head and since his last loss in the ring had been months ago, Fenrir usually let him handle his own training these days, no longer throwing him to the wolves during group training. Remus' routines seemed to be working, after all.

After a warm-up of light stretching, he tried a few vaults, rolling into a crouch with each landing. Realistically, Remus knew he couldn't keep fighting forever. At 25, he could already feel the effects that nearly a decade in the ring was having on his body. His healing time between fights wasn't as quick as it used to be.

Still, he pushed himself through one of his usual routines, flips and all, until he stood at the edge of the hospital's roof, breathing hard and wondering just how far he might get if he went straight into the trees right now.

As if on cue, the ever-present phone buzzed in his pocket, calling him back to the pack.

* * *

Remus was the last one to push through the heavy double doors of the Gym and as he did so, he noticed one of the newer guys lean over to another and mumble under his breath.

"It's not enough he skips training sessions, Golden Boy gets to show up late to meetings too?" A few scattered snickers grated on Remus' ears. He threw two fingers up as he joined the line of men. It was made up of a few fighters, but mostly some of Scabior's lackeys. So they were called in about a job, then. So much for his day off.

The door to the main office opened and Remus looked up to see a man in a tailored suit emerge followed by Greyback and Scabior. No, not a man - a boy, probably even younger than himself. Remus took in the high cheekbones and haughty eyes, which glossed over the group with indifference as the stranger made toward the doors. The sound of his polished shoes, looking entirely out of place on the scuffed floor of the Gym, echoed down the hall, graceful and concise. Greyback followed after him. Remus didn't remember seeing him at any fights before, but he was sure he seemed familiar.

"Right, you lot," Scabior said, bringing his hands together. "Time for a lit'le field trip."

They were headed to intimidate a nearby gentlemen's club that didn't want to play nice with the House, which tended to have its hands in every skeevy business in London with the potential to make illegal revenue. Remus hated these kinds of jobs - he could detach himself from the situation a lot easier when climbing a building to unlock a window, but jobs like this usually meant hurting innocent employees that were just trying to make ends meet. They probably didn't even know the House existed, at least not as far as its imperious link to the criminal underground.

As they pulled up to the windowless building, Remus unbuckled and perched at the end of his seat in the van, knowing his role would be to take out the bouncer. Before the tires had even finished rolling to a stop, he'd wrenched the door open and was running toward the hulking figure near the entrance. The poor man looked flabbergasted and Remus felt a bit bad as his fist met flesh. The guy had barely put up a fight before Remus was standing over his knocked-out frame, making it all the more surprising when a blow to his ribs had Remus doubled over.

"Bloody he-" Remus cut himself off to look up at the kid who had landed the lucky punch. Irritated beyond belief, he probably put a bit too much force behind it as he smacked him upside the head. The kid went down against the wall as Remus heard a cacophony of footfalls behind him.

"'S 'a matter, Lupin? Kid get the best a' ya?" Travers derided as the others ran in through the now unguarded doors. Remus heard yelling and a couple of crashes and he rubbed his ribs.

"Piss off."

Travers laughed and skipped back a step toward the club.

"C'mon, now - no time to skive off work. Job to be done, yeah?" Travers ran the last bit into the building and Remus looked up at the sky with a resounding sigh before stepping through the dark doorway.

He walked through the club, pulling guys off his colleagues if they needed help, but otherwise not really instigating anything. He went toward the bar, intending to grab a drink in all the chaos, but stopped short when he realized there were two women huddled beneath it whispering desperately in what he thought might be Polish. Their eyes went wide when they saw him. He looked around and spotted an exit door just beyond the doorway behind him. He went through to test it and found that it opened without issue.

"Chodź, wyjdź tutaj," he whispered to the women, pointing towards the door. They stayed frozen, unsure. Remus gestured again, more urgently this time and they crept slowly toward the end of the bar. Finally, they hurried through the doorway with a nod to Remus, one woman gripping his arm quickly as she passed.

Idly, Remus wondered how much longer they'd be there. Usually, they wanted to get in and out fast before the cops were called on jobs like this. He went back through to the bar, still hoping for that drink, and jumped when Scabior appeared at his elbow. 

"Wot you doing, little one?" Scabior asked, eyes moving to the exit door Remus had emerged from. Remus, who stood a couple of inches taller than Scabior at this point, snorted and opened a bottle of gin. 

"Making sure no one was departing out the back," he said evenly. "And making myself a drink. Care to join me?"

"Hmm..." Scabior hummed skeptically and pushed the bottle away from Remus. "Right lads, let's head out!"

Remus shoved his hands in his pockets and wandered back outside, looking up at the sky for another moment while the vans loaded back up. The sun was beginning to set and he saw that they were down near the river. They weren't too far from a club he occasionally frequented. A part of Remus knew he should head back to the Gym with everyone else; let Doc take a look at his ribs, especially with a fight coming up next weekend, but he couldn't bring himself to climb back into that van right now.

"Oi, Lupin!" Travers' head popped out of the closer passenger window. "You coming?"

Remus shook his head.

"Suit yourself."

Unlike the hospital he had scaled earlier today, the water was one of his least favorite places to think. He lit a cigarette as he walked along, trying - as he did anytime he was near the Thames - not to wonder if this was where his father had "fallen" in. This was the icing on the cake of a royally frustrating day. He needed a distraction, and the best ones usually came when surrounded by strangers.

He made a beeline for the bar as soon as he arrived at the club, determined to finally get that drink. He ordered two right off the bat, downing one the moment it was placed in front of him. The second joined him as he made his way through the pulsating crowd to lean against one of the exposed brick walls opposite the dance floor. All in all, the club was fairly tiny - a thin cavity of a building with a bar, a small space to dance, something vaguely representative of a stage near the front of the room. Still, he liked coming here. They played a lot of music from the 70s and 80s, which had a special place in his heart. And the people were interesting; not just getting drunk and throwing fists at one another, which Remus could guarantee was happening back at the Gym currently.

He looked around for a potential distraction, not caring particularly much what form they came in. Before he had his own place, he had used sex occasionally as a means to sleep somewhere other than the Gym. A relationship always seemed out of the question, what with his regular injuries and his growing collection of scars. So casual sex seemed to be the most logical option. He didn't get too picky about his partners, just as long as they weren't bigger than him.

A woman toward the end of the floor was trying to catch his eye and normally he may have taken her up, but right now she was just reminding Remus of the women cowering behind the bar earlier today. The song switched to a new wave beat he recognized and he tapped his foot, sipping the end of his second drink. It took him a moment to realize someone new was dancing nearby, the woman from earlier having had finally given up. The man before him now was lean, as emphasized by the minuscule t-shirt pressed around his torso. One side of Remus' mouth twitched up as his eyes raked him in, from his shoes on the dancefloor to the mop of blonde hair upon his head. Interpreting Remus' look as an invitation, the man floated over and brazenly allowed one of his legs to press against Remus', thigh to ankle. Remus placed his empty glass on one of the tall cocktail tables that lined the wall, allowing his newly-free hands to rest on the newcomer's waist.

"Evening," he offered, not really wanting to bother with pleasantries and introductions.

"It is, isn't it?" His companion seemed to be on the same page. He shifted his hips and Remus caught the man's chin with his fingertips so he could meet his lips. Without breaking the kiss, Remus flipped their positions, pressing his partner against the wall. Hand still on one cheek, he kissed his way up the opposite jawline.

"You live nearby?" Remus breathed out.

* * *

The little bell over the front door to the shop chimed in the distance as Remus' eyes scanned over the dog-eared paperback in his hands. He was spread out in an upstairs aisle of his favorite used bookstore. Most bookstores would throw him out for treating the space more as a library, but Elle had given up trying when he was still a teenager. He just kept coming back, and eventually, she'd just started telling him what areas needed tidying when he walked through the door. The first time she'd done so, Remus had blinked at her stupidly.

"Well, if you're gunna be in here readin' my books every other day, you may as well help out a bit!" Elle had declared, hands resting on the layered skirts around her hips.

He had started actually paying for her books years ago now, but he still fixed any wonky shelves he passed when heading up to his favorite corner to read something. Hardly anyone headed up to the second-floor loft of the store, which, as far as Remus could tell, only held outdated maps and dictionaries that were published back when words were spelled differently. They'd settled there a while ago, he and the charming little fantasy novel in his hands. The club job last week still weighed heavily on his mind, and he needed something light and fun to take him away from it for a couple of hours. He was thoroughly engrossed enough that he didn't realize someone else _had_ entered his self-declared domain until the click of a camera shutter pulled him out of his reverie.

"Another riveting book?" a voice asked, and the camera lowered to reveal the peculiar photographer he had met in the skatepark a few weeks prior. He stood in front of Remus, looping the camera strap over his shoulder. The cuffed sleeves of his t-shirt revealed a few bands of solid blackwork around his right bicep and forearm.

"Oh, you know - good versus evil, a kid with a destiny... I think there was a prophecy or something?" Remus set the book down as the other man unceremoniously plopped down next to him yet again.

"Hmm... I'll let you have that one then. I think I'd hate it."

"You scoff in the face of destiny, I take it," Remus said with mock sardonicism.

"What, like life is written in the stars or some shit? Nope, total rubbish. Believe me, I would know," he tapped on his own chest and it took Remus a moment to remember that the man's name was a reference to a star.

"Are you telling me you _weren't_ born to be a guard dog?" Remus asked sarcastically. Sirius laughed, a piece of his messy bun shaking loose as he threw his head back. He tucked it behind his ear and Remus noticed a small stippled tattoo of the very constellation they discussed on his ring finger.

"Personally, I was always partial to the Mesopotamian interpretation where Sirius was viewed as a nocked arrow pointing toward Orion," Sirius' tone was still light, but Remus thought he caught an undercurrent of derision in it. He wondered who it was directed at. "Am I to understand that you're not a purveyor of free will then? Destinies seem a contradiction to your lovely notion of boundlessness last we met; I'm surprised."

Remus had a fairly limited experience with free will during the last fifteen years of his life, and the question stumped him. He wasn't used to people talking to him for longer than the few moments it took to order a coffee or purchase a book, now he was being asked to discuss his personal philosophies with a stranger? He was intrigued but felt a little unsteady.

"I'm... not sure I've thought about it all that much," Remus answered truthfully. "But I can honestly say I don't feel much in control of how my life is turning out." He tried to make it sound like a self-deprecating joke with a laugh, but he wasn't sure if the humor came across.

"What would you change right now, if you could?" Sirius didn't pull any punches with his questions and Remus wondered how detailed he should get. 

"My job. My... family," Remus offered, not sure how else to describe the underground that had raised him in a lot of ways. Ruining his life and causing lasting trauma that he drowned in casual sex and alcohol, most likely, but raised him nonetheless.

"I know that feeling all too well," Sirius said with a small sigh. "Ran away from my own family when I was fifteen. Found myself out on the streets with a half-packed backpack and a letter opener."

"What were you gunna do with the letter opener?" What Remus really wanted to ask was how he had found the courage to leave, but it felt too personal.

"I'm not actually sure; can't say I was thinking too clearly," Sirius grinned. "What's the job you're looking to change? What would you do instead?"

"Oh, I work at a gym," Remus deflected, "but I've always wanted to teach."

"Ahh, a professor, are we, Remus? Should have known, with all these books," Sirius picked up the small stack in between them and read through the titles in his head. At least, read through the titles that were in English, Remus assumed. 

"You know," Sirius started after a moment, "we get a lot of kids from all over at the shelter. Some of them would really benefit from some ESL classes. And I bet others would want to learn something new too. They're really wonderful, even if the typical system failed them..."

Remus could hear the passion in his voice even as he trailed off. 

"You want me to teach language classes at your Co-op?" he asked.

"Would you want to?" Sirius sounded hopeful. "It's something I had been thinking about finding an instructor of for a while now actually."

Whether Remus _wanted_ to wasn't really the question, was it? _Could he?_ He thought about it for maybe a moment too long, trying to calculate how much free time he had between job assignments and training sessions and fights. Oh, the fights - how was he supposed to explain that he disappeared once a month and usually came back looking like he had spent an evening investigating how many times he could get hit with a baseball bat? 

Sirius pressed another business card into the topmost book on Remus' pile and began to rise.

"The address is on the back, along with my number," Sirius said softly. "Stop by anytime if you'd like to take on some of that free will. I'm glad we ran into each other again, Remus."

Remus picked out the card and flipped it in his fingers, taking in the angled handwriting on the card as Sirius descended the steps.

"Me too, I think."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who stopped by to check out this weird little story I'm writing! It's been so much fun to get back into writing and every little Kudos makes my heart soar. :)
> 
> I'm not quite sure if I'll start having a regular posting schedule for this yet - right now I'm just kind of posting each chapter after I have the next one written. Hope you're enjoying it if you've gotten this far!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh, two chapters in one day!! I'm working on maybe having two more tomorrow, especially since Sirius and Remus are starting to interact more in the chapters I'm currently writing, but that may be wishful thinking on my part...  
> Anyway, enjoy! I hope you're diggin' the story so far. :)

_It was dark. The kind of darkness that paralyzed Sirius, made him terrified to move for fear he'd fall through the earth below his feet. It heightened everything around him; the deep chill of the air on his skin, the stone floor beneath his bare feet, the dank smell of mold taking root in his nostrils. He reached his hands out to feel a door to his left as the sound of rain began to patter from above._

_He pounded on the door, calling for someone to let him out. His breath came out shallow and panicked as he felt frigid water at his feet. How was rain coming into a room with no windows? The patter evolved into a torrent as he tried again to cry for help, his palms raw from banging on the door. The water rose with an unnatural quickness and the noise of the rain rose with it, drowning his desperate shriek to be let out._

_Gravity seemed to shift and Sirius fell back into the freezing water, but it was no longer a few inches lining the bottom of an old basement. Instead, he was swallowed by an abyss, lungs filling with piercing water as he futilely attempted to scream._

Sirius sat upright with a start, one hand holding fast to his chest as he sucked in a breath. From his lofted bed, he took in the high ceiling above him, his wide room constantly illuminated by the star lights he had strung everywhere he could. The complete opposite of that wretched basement.

One of his windows had been left open, he realized, and the sound of actual rain was low in his ears. Damn, he usually stayed on top of the forecast, but he hadn't realized it was supposed to rain tonight. 

Still breathing hard, Sirius heard movement in the hall and figured James was on his way to check on him. Sirius must have cried out in his sleep and woken him up. He hoped he hadn't disturbed Lily too.

Sure enough, James hastened into the bedroom, crossing it quickly when he saw the open window. After closing it, he climbed up to Sirius' bed, climbing in without hesitation as Sirius buried his face in his chest, his arms around James' waist.

"I forgot to close the window," Sirius' muffled voice came from the depths of James' sweatshirt.

"Shh, it's not your fault," James said softly, his hands running through Sirius' hair to comfort him. Sirius knew he didn't just mean the window, and he was ever more grateful to have him as a friend. The first time Sirius had a nightmare at boarding school, James had done the same thing. All of eleven, James had pushed the curtains to Sirius' bed aside, sat down beside him, and began telling inane stories about himself to distract Sirius until his breathing had finally steadied. It didn't happen quite as often as it had in secondary school, but James still knew how to help calm his brother.

"I spoke about them today," Sirius said after several long minutes. "With the guy that I photographed at the skate park last time? Ran into him at a bookstore and thought, _Fuck it._ Y'know? _Here he is again, I ought to listen to James and Lily's advice._ Didn't mean to bring them up, of course, just kind of slipped out... It was so slight, I thought it'd be okay..."

"You know it's always worse in the summer, Pads," James murmured. "You can't get mad at yourself simply for having a passing thought. The effect of thinking about one's family shouldn't be to throw one into a nightmare. This is nobody's fault but theirs... I'm glad you spoke to that guy again though. What's his name?"

"Remus," Sirius smiled slightly and turned his head up to finally face James. "I invited him to come by the Co-op sometime, maybe even think about teaching some. I hope he takes me up on the offer."

"Leave it to you to offer a job to the guy you're currently drooling over," James chuckled. 

"Oi, I haven't done this in a while, leave me be," Sirius laughed for a moment before it died out with a sigh. As usual, James seemed to be able to understand without even needing to communicate.

"Want me to call Poppy? See if she has any appointments this week?" James asked. Sirius squeezed him tight where his arms were still around his waist.

* * *

The weather had mercifully cleared by the time Sirius reawoke. James' arms were still around him, his head tilted back against the wall where he was fast asleep. 

Sirius carefully disentangled himself, trying not to wake his best friend, and went out into the kitchen where Lily was already making tea.

"Care for a cuppa?" she asked as Sirius settled in one of the stools at the breakfast bar. He nodded gratefully. "My husband is in there, I assume?" She gestured toward Sirius' bedroom.

"I'm sorry, Lil," Sirius started, but she shook her head gently.

"Don't apologize, Sirius," Lily said. "You know I'm glad he can help. I'd like to help too if I can." Sirius smiled and placed his hand over hers as she placed a cup in front of him.

"You do, Lily. You both do, more than you know," Sirius said softly. "I'd be a mess, living here on my own."

"We're more than happy to live here, love," Lily said earnestly. "We're your family until the end, not those people who cause you to live in fear. You know we'll do anything to stand by you."

Sirius nodded as he sipped his tea, taking comfort in the sincerity of Lily's words. He didn't have to wonder if they were true since she and James had proven it time and again. They'd been there to help him to the nurse when he showed up to school after the winter holidays with an untreated broken arm. They'd pulled him in and wrapped him in a hug at 15 when he showed up outside the Potters' house with no home to go back to. They'd held his hand when he'd had to cut ties with his last partner after some threats from his family had hit a little too close for comfort. Sirius knew James and Lily had been more of a family to him than his birth parents had ever been and he'd always be appreciative of that.

"You should go for a ride," Lily offered. "That always clears your head, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Sirius looked out the windows lining the back of the apartment, thankful again that the sun had decided to come out after last night's downpour. "Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Might see if Gid and Fab want to start a new mural with me at the Co-op too."

Lily smiled and Sirius went to change before heading down to the car park with his helmet. Lily was right a lot, and she was right about this. Nothing pushed the darkness out of Sirius' head quite like going 70 mph on a bike down the motorway. In fact, today it reminded Sirius of his first meeting with Remus. As he rode past the limits of the city, he couldn't help but feel like speed and weightlessness personified; nothing holding him to the earth right now except gravity.

After an hour or so of aimless twists and turns, Sirius pointed his motorbike back toward London and the Co-op, not noticing the sleek black car that pulled out behind him as he headed back into the city.

* * *

It was busy when Sirius stepped into the Co-op, a backpack full of painting supplies slung over his shoulder and his helmet in his hand. It was a Saturday and they had an acoustic set scheduled for tonight, so some people were moving equipment around near the stage at the back of the room. Sirius spotted Benjy among them and gave him a wave.

Sirius looked around, knowing he wanted to paint something, but not wanting to get in the way of this evening's event. Plus, he didn't want to rope off half the main room if they were planning on having a crowd later. Shows like this were half for fundraising and half to keep kids from finding their way to more dangerous parties, so cutting the guest count would be stupid.

He peeked his head into a couple of the side rooms and found that the largest one didn't have any therapy groups in it at the moment. He shot off a text to the twins telling them which room they could find him in and started pulling out supplies. It was barely a minute before the two strode in, weighed down with some of their own paints and dropcloths. 

"Heya, Sirius," Fabian greeted as he and Gideon laid out a cloth to put their things on. "What are we painting today? Anything specific?"

"Hey, Fab. Gideon," Sirius nodded at the pair and raked his fingers through his hair, pulling it up into a tie. "I'm, uh... not too sure yet honestly. Just felt that urge to create today, y'know?"

"Right, well you don't want to ignore your urges," Gid said lightly. Sirius snorted as he continued to pull out paint cans.

"Quite," he agreed before standing upright to survey the wall space before them. At first, Sirius felt a bit bad when he painted over a mural on the Co-op walls to paint something different, but he'd since fallen in love with the constant stream of new art being made around the building regularly. "I was thinking something...weightless."

"Hmm, birds too cliche?" Fab asked and Gideon nodded.

"We can do better than that - oh, unless we wanted to do something really cool with some giant owl eyes or other," Gideon suggested, but then shook his own head. "Nah, that's less 'weightlessness' and more 'authoritarian.'"

"Wide open sky? Maybe the view of a valley from a mountaintop?" Fabian countered.

"How about an underwater scene? Oh! We could add some really cool sea creatures to-"

"No," Sirius cut in. "Er, sorry - just meant... I think I like the sky idea. Maybe with a few changes though?" Sirius went on to explain his idea to them and the twins nodded along, looking excited.

"Right, let's get to it!" Fabian rubbed his hands together and then poured out some black paint to begin covering the wall that they'd be making into their canvas.

Prepping the wall space took an hour or so and it was already helping Sirius distract himself further from his nightmare this morning. As one end of the wall began to dry after the second coat of black, Sirius started to map out his plan in pencil. James and Lily each popped in at some point to check in and see how he was doing, for which he was grateful (even if he was half distracted and covered in paint).

After a few solid hours' work, he excused himself from Gid and Fab to take a quick break and check on everything for this evening's gig. Lily likely had it covered, but he knew he should make sure she didn't need assistance with anything. He made his way out to the main room, grabbing a water bottle before leaning against the counter of the front desk next to Lily.

"How is everything going, my lovely Evans?" Sirius asked. She and James had been married for a year, but his old nickname for her always stuck around.

"All ready for tonight!" she assured him excitedly. "How is everything going with you? Feeling better after this morning?"

"Much," Sirius nodded. "Still trying to ignore the faint sound of falling rain in my head, but painting is helping. I'm sure tonight's show will help too."

Lily smiled at him and squeezed his arm affectionately. Just as she opened her mouth to say something else, someone came through the front door. Or, sort of slumped through, holding onto the door to keep himself up. 

"Hey, you okay?" Sirius asked, running over to help him. The kid, probably only fourteen or so, nodded, but Sirius could see a bruise forming around a cut on his cheek and his right eye was already swelling shut. "Who hit you? Can you tell us what happened?"

Lily came over to assist Sirius, grabbing the kid's bag before it fell as they got him lowered onto one of the couches. James jogged up behind Lily, looking like he wanted to help.

"I'll be okay," the boy insisted, "Just got in a fight with my parents is all. Got out of the house and didn't really know where to go. Someone at school mentioned this place once - I... is it okay that I came here?"

Sirius frowned, familiar with that story himself.

"Of course, that's what we're here for," he assured the boy in front of him. He looked up at Lily. "Lil, we have any beds left for tonight?"

"Yeah, I think so," she thought out loud. "If not, we'll find something, I promise." She gently tilted the kid's bruised face up toward the light. "James, can you go call Doc? I think he's the only one who'd come this late and I don't want this cut to get infected."

"'Course," James nodded. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and went outside to make the call where it was quieter.

"We'll get you all fixed up," Lily promised, holding out a hand. "Come on, let me show you where you can put your things for now."

As Lily led the kid to the shelter upstairs, Sirius sighed. No, it wasn't the first time someone had shown up at the Co-op hurt, and he knew it wouldn't be the last, but it never seemed to get easier to see other versions of his own story play out ad infinitum on his own doorstep. At least these kids had the Co-op to turn to, like he'd had the Potters. How many slipped through the cracks though?

The rainfall in his head seemed to be on a path to a crescendo and he quickly ducked back into the room where he'd left Gid and Fab. They must have headed to take their own break and Sirius was unsettled by the empty room for a moment until he saw the nearly completed mural in front of him.

The night sky, infinite and vast, stared back at him. But where one might expect darkness and gloom, there was vibrant color. The Milky Way cut diagonally through the canvas, throwing shades of pink and purple into the mix among thousands of tiny multicolored stars dotted across the entire wall. A huge, pale moon hung low in the sky, protective and reassuring.

Sirius wasn't sure he'd ever be able to cover this one up.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Tw for some light, light gore in the first section if you don't like stitches? They're the lil stick-on kind though, if that helps. :)

Remus sat on the table in the Gym's 'Infirmary' with an ice pack held up to his eye. Really, it was just a room off to the side of the ring with some bandages and a decrepit exam table that was probably stolen from an old medical building.

"That was an incredibly stupid move," Doc chastised as he dug in his bag for antiseptic and some butterfly stitches. He wasn't really a doctor; in fact, 'Doc' was short for Caradoc or something else incredibly Welsh. Really, he worked as a paramedic, so he knew more than enough to strap ribs and wrists and stitch up the occasional injury from the ring. Since his job probably wouldn't take too kindly to the illegality of his freelance gig, most knew him as 'Doc' and assumed it was due to his role as the Gym's unofficial sawbones. "You're gunna get yourself killed in that ring one of these days."

"I know," Remus sighed. "I wasn't paying attention well enough. Have a lot on my mind lately, keep getting distracted." Ultimately, Remus had won his match, but only just. Doc lowered the ice pack from Remus' hand and Remus winced as Doc began wiping the cut above his eye. Doc pierced him with a look.

"You know my thoughts on the subject," he said. Remus wanted to nod, but Doc was now holding the cut on his forehead together as he applied a couple of stitches.

"Yeah, and you know my response; much easier said than done," Remus shot back. He wasn't angry at Doc though. In fact, he felt indebted to him. Over the years, Remus had never connected with anyone at the Gym, always being reminded by them that he was _other_ ; first as a result of his father's mistakes, and later because of Remus' position at the head of the roster. During that time, Doc had been the only one Remus had ever really had substantial conversations with. As a result, Doc had started telling Remus a year or two ago that he was too smart to die on the mat and that he'd be wise to get the hell out. Remus hadn't told him yet that he'd been offered a sort-of teaching position; he knew what Doc would say, but Doc didn't fully understand the risks. "Where were you earlier by the way? Saw you slip in after the fights had already started tonight."

"Had another call," if Doc noticed that Remus was actively trying to change the subject, he didn't comment on it. "At a pretty cool place actually, I think you'd like it. They had a show happening tonight and everything; much better than those punk cesspits you call shows. A few friends of mine run the place."

"I like my cesspits, thank you very much," Remus laughed. "Helps take my mind off things, to be in a crowd like that."

"Ah, well, if ever there's a day you'd like to elevate your crowd a bit, lemme know," Doc offered as he began packing up his tools. "I'd like to show it to you some time."

Remus nodded and hopped off the table, "Thanks, Doc." He left the Infirmary without another word to grab his things from his locker, ready to head to his flat and pass the hell out. As he grabbed his book, something fell to his feet and he looked down to see the Co-op business card Sirius had given him yesterday. He picked it up, flipping it in his fingers again to see the number on the back.

* * *

Remus was finally back at his flat, showered, and had even fallen into bed, but the 'passing the hell out' bit that he'd planned was slow to develop. He kept seeing the business card in his hand every time he closed his eyes. Finally, he punched the number into his phone and shot off a text before he could talk himself out of it, followed quickly by another.

_Okay, tell me more about this Co-op of yours._

_This is Remus, by the way._

Remus barely had a moment to panic about whether or not this was a bad idea before his phone lit up with a response.

**Remus! Lovely to hear from you. You often find yourself inquiring about jobs in the middle of the night? 🙂**

With a jolt, Remus looked at the clock to see that it read 3 am.

_Sorry - totally didn't realize what time it was. You can ignore this if you'd like. What are you doing up this late?_

**I'm only joking, and it really is lovely to hear from you. I was having trouble getting to sleep anyway. What are you doing up this late?**

_Just got back from work. Sleep seems to be eluding me as well._

**Work at the gym? At 3 am?**

_It's one of those 24-hour joints._

_It's one of the reasons I'm a bit hesitant about the Co-op. My current job hours can be... unpredictable._

**We can work with that. The Co-op itself is unpredictable - one day we're hosting workshops and therapy groups, another we're all throwing paint-filled water balloons at a wall. One time my best mate convinced all the kids AND staff to meow at me whenever I tried to speak to anyone for an entire day.**

_That sounds therapeutic._

**The paint balloons or the meowing?**

_The balloons, I think._

**You have _no_ idea.**

Remus paused, now _knowing_ this was a bad idea. Sirius' description of the Co-op sounded... well, it sounded hilarious. It sounded like fun and friendship and... everything Remus couldn't have. It sounded like concerned questions about his past and angry interrogations about his whereabouts from Greyback. He sighed, for what felt like the ten millionth time in his life.

**You're still hesitant?**

_I'm just not sure my family would approve. It could get... complicated._

**Well, we're experts at complicated. And particular experts at familial complications. I'm not going to force you to come by, but just know that we're no strangers to helping people get away from bad situations.**

_I appreciate that, Sirius. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me._

**Anytime, friend. Hope to see you soon!**

_Get some sleep._

**You too.**

"Friend." Remus stared at the word, trying to make sense of it until sleep slowly pulled him under.

* * *

It was three days later when Remus finally worked up the courage to go check out the Co-op. He'd told Fenrir that he was going to train, so he likely had the rest of the day to himself, unless he got called in for a job.

He rolled up to the unassuming building, wondering if he had the right address as he hopped off his board. It looked like a regular office? He pulled the door open and immediately felt like he'd stepped into another world. Every inch of the room on the other side was covered in painted murals, posters, or stickers. A few kids skated by, causing Remus to take a step back as they shouted apologies in their wake. His eyes followed them for a moment before sliding around the room again, taking in as much as he could. Maybe he should go - Sirius might not even be here today. Just as he was thinking about turning around and heading back out, Sirius stepped out from a door on the side of the room, his arms going wide at the sight of him near the front doors.

"Remus!" he exclaimed, hurrying forward to clap Remus on the shoulder. "I'm so glad you came by; I should give you a tour - do you want a tour?"

Remus tried to raise an eyebrow, forgetting about his stitches for a moment and wincing instead. "Yeah, a tour sounds great. Mind if I leave my board somewhere?"

"Yeah, gimme - I'll put it behind the desk here. What'd you do to your eye?" Sirius asked and Remus wondered if this was what it'd be like every time he came in with a new stitch or bruise or bandage.

"Bear attack," he said seriously and Sirius let out a short laugh.

"Okay, you don't have to tell me, but I hope someone outside of your situation knows," he said earnestly. "Speaking of which, let me introduce you to Marlene. She runs most of our therapy groups."

Remus let himself be led around the Co-op, trying his best to keep track of everyone's names. Marlene had given him a business card, which he had taken gratefully even if he didn't think he'd ever be using it. Two red-headed twins had greeted him with smiles and a few quick-witted jokes when Sirius introduced them and a couple of musicians paused their guitar lesson to welcome Remus to the Co-op. At the front desk, Sirius stopped to present Remus with his two best friends, James and Lily.

"They've been with me since grade school. The Co-op wouldn't exist without them; I'd be even more of a mess than I am right now, and the business would have no managers." Sirius laughed, but Remus caught the candor behind his words.

"He's being dramatic, James and I just make sure things run smoothly. Sirius here is the one with the ideas," Lily reached out a hand. "It's nice to meet you, Remus."

"Speak for yourself, remember that time I filled Sirius' entire office with balloons?" James said indignantly. "I think that was a great idea. We still laugh about it."

"I wouldn't call that a business idea, dear," Lily placated. Remus couldn't help but laugh, loving the entire atmosphere he'd walked into. "So, I hear you might be joining us a bit regularly here at the Co-op?"

"I-er, yeah. I just might," Remus smiled and he saw Sirius mirror his expression. To Remus' surprise, Sirius grabbed his hand.

"Come! We've more to explore," Sirius announced with gusto as he pulled Remus along. After a thorough tour of the shelter as well, they headed back down the stairs to the main room where the kids from earlier were trying to teach their friend how to do a kickflip. The newbie kept tripping over his board, landing on his knee. Remus gestured for one of the older ones' boards.

"May I?" he asked. A girl passed her board over to Remus, who took it with a thank you and reached out to help the smaller kid up. "It's all about your foot placement. Once you get that figured out, it's just "Pop, Slide, and Land." Okay?"

Remus spent a few minutes making sure the boy had his back foot in the right position and that he knew where exactly to slide his front foot in order to make the board rotate correctly.

"Ah, see - you're running into trouble with your front knee," he observed. "Make sure you twist your knee to face forward as you slide your front foot. After that, just be sure to land with your back foot first." He demonstrated each step individually a few times before putting them all together into a successful kickflip. Sure enough, it only took a couple more tries for the rookie to get a handle on it.

"Yes!" he exclaimed the first time he landed the trick. "That's totally wicked, thank you!"

"Anytime, kid," Remus laughed and handed the board back to the girl he'd borrow it from. He turned to see Sirius smiling at him and he couldn't help the warm feeling growing in the pit of his stomach each time those gray eyes looked at him.

"Well, I think it's safe to say that you're going to be a natural at this teaching thing," Sirius said. Remus let out a short laugh, running a hand through his hair and shrugging.

"Come, there's one more thing I wanna show you," Sirius grabbed his hand again and Remus tried his hardest to ignore the fact that his heart rate went up. It was nothing, he was just excited to be somewhere so chill and opposite of the Gym, right?

Sirius led him into one of the side rooms and Remus' jaw dropped at the mural on the far wall. It depicted a night sky, electrifying and energetic in its beauty. The colors were nothing Remus would have expected for something depicting nighttime, and yet it was wholly accurate of the vastness one felt when looking up at the stars.

"I thought you'd like it," Remus looked over to see Sirius smiling at him again before turning back to the painting. "It reminds me of that thing you said. It's just-"

"Boundless," Remus finished for him.


	6. Chapter 6

Sirius was docked at his usual spot on the couches, editing some new shots of the underground he'd taken over the last week or so. Since that conversation he'd had with Lily and James a few months ago about his family no longer knowing where he was, he'd been thinking a lot about Black Arts and how his society blog could be more than just cute little dips into humanity and their stories. It could be a shield if he worked it right, or even ammunition if his family tried to come after the things he loved again.

He'd spent the following month or so diving into research about every business in London that had even the slightest possibility for racketeering. The month after had been a cavalcade of dead ends and slammed doors. In over two months' time, Sirius had gotten _one_ person to speak to him; a college student who had once been a caddie at a high-end country club. He'd had several stories of overhearing things on the golf course that he shouldn't have, including one about some particularly gruesome loan-sharking connected to a small local casino. The caddie had felt assured that his story wouldn't be unique to him; all the caddies talked, and each one of them had their own story to make your hair curl.

Still, Sirius had posted the story anonymously along with a vague photo. As he'd planned, no one thought the post was particularly out of place. Most people didn't realize that the House of Black owned or had its hands in every casino in London, but he knew, and the authorities likely knew as well even if they couldn't prove it. Sirius' plan was to slowly sprinkle posts like these into the feed. He just needed to find more people willing to speak up.

With a sigh, Sirius closed his laptop, finding all of his other underground photography kind of useless at the moment. He got to the front desk and set his laptop behind it as Remus headed through the front doors. 

"Sirius," Remus threw him a salute, and Sirius instantly felt a bit better. It had been about 6 weeks since Remus had started teaching classes at the Co-op and so far, Sirius thought it had been going wonderfully. There was a small group of students who kept coming back regularly to improve their English and about once a week, Remus would host office hours when anyone could come hang out and they'd go over any languages the students' wanted (within Remus' ability, of course). "I'm in the Moon Room today?"

"Yep, I think you have a few kids already in there too," Sirius said cheerfully. His stomach flipped at the pleased smile that graced Remus' face. Today, a small split cut his bottom lip in two and Sirius tried not to think about the injuries he'd seen mar Remus' features over the last several weeks. From a black eye to what Sirius thought was likely a bruised rib from the way Remus kept holding his side, Sirius was growing more and more concerned about his new friend's safety. At least the constantly scuffed knuckles meant he was hopefully giving as good as he got. Marlene had asked him about one of the bruises once and Remus had replied that he was a kickboxing instructor, but Sirius hadn't been able to find any 24-hour gyms that also offered kickboxing lessons.

"Fantastic, I have a few extra things I want to go over with them today," Remus said with clear excitement, causing a few butterflies to stir in the pit of Sirius' stomach. Remus moved to head toward the room just as the front door opened again, the sound of hard-soled leather shoes clicking on the concrete. The noise echoed in his ears as rainfall slowly joined the melody in his head. Sirius' face must have changed because Remus had stopped and turned to take in the scene.

"Sirius," a clipped voice cut through the rain and the sound began to fade as Sirius stood face to face with his brother for the first time in ten years.

"Regulus," his own voice was a hoarse whisper. He cleared his throat and spoke at a more steady level. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to tell you that what you're doing is dangerous," Regulus offered vaguely, his eyes - Orion's eyes - slid over toward Remus. "Is there somewhere we could go to talk?"

"I'm not moving," Sirius wasn't sure if his legs would move if he wanted to anyway, or if he'd just crumble to the ground. His hand, gripping the back of the desk so tightly it was numb, seemed to be the only thing anchoring him to reality at the moment. "How did you know I was here? How long...d-"

"I saw you," Regulus provided when Sirius couldn't finish his question. "On your bike a few months ago. You were coming back into the city with the motor roaring and the stereo blasting - I would have been hard-pressed to miss you, in all honesty. You always did like people to see you." The ghost of a smile touched his lips as he remembered.

"Do they..."

"Our parents haven't spoken your name out loud in about 7 years, Sirius. I can't imagine they know where you are, nor do I plan on telling them. As I said, I came to warn you."

Sirius' brow furrowed, unsure if this might be a trick from his father. He wouldn't put it past Orion to send Regulus as some sort of Trojan Horse.

"Most people may not have noticed that post you slipped into your feed recently, but more of those will only draw attention from the House and I won't be able to stop it," he said.

"How do you know about..." Sirius' head was spinning. 

"It doesn't matter," Regulus shifted uncomfortably for a moment before he realized what he was doing and shot back up, straightening his shoulders. The movement cut through Sirius' heart as he remembered how many times he'd been punished for slouching or reclining back in his chair at the dinner table. Regulus, however, had always been better at following directions.

"I need to know that fa-Or... He can't know, can he?"

Regulus sighed and looked away. "You used to sign your posts, _What's life without a little risk?_ " he mumbled.

Sirius' eyes grew wide. He had almost forgotten he'd done that. It was something he used to say before he did something utterly stupid that he knew his parents would hate. It almost always ended in some horrible punishment, but acting out was the only way he could stay sane in that house. He looked across at what he would have become if he'd been a good son and the notion nauseated him. Those signatures on his posts had stopped _years_ ago though. He got worried that someone might recognize it... rightfully so, he supposed.

Did that mean Regulus had been following his site this whole time? He could have told his parents, they could have gone to his regular shoot locations and waited for him. He'd have undoubtedly been found by now.

Sirius let out a long breath as he processed this.

"You need to stop," Regulus continued, his tone clipped and steady again. "Stop the questions, stop the photography, and for God's sake, stop with those posts."

"Do you get tired of it?" Sirius asked. "Do you get exhausted following every order they give you?"

"Grow up, Sirius," Regulus scoffed. "They're my family and it's my job."

"But it didn't have to be," Sirius insisted.

"Let's not forget that you left me there," Regulus seemed surprised at his own words and his eyes went wide.

" _Left you there?_ " Sirius hissed. "I _begged_ you to come with me that night."

"It..." Regulus backtracked, "It doesn't matter. This isn't what I came here for."

"I think," Remus stepped forward, his voice hard, "you ought to leave now." Sirius had nearly forgotten he was there, but he was grateful to him for stepping in. Regulus blinked at him for a moment before nodding. His eyes slid over to Sirius one last time.

"Good evening, Sirius," Regulus nodded at his brother, turned, and strode back out the front door.

Sirius' knee buckled as soon as the door closed and Remus rushed around the desk to catch him.

"I've got you," Remus assured him. He was leading Sirius somewhere, but all Sirius could focus on was the trembling of his own hands. They went through a door and Sirius felt the warm summer evening air. They were in the small courtyard behind the Co-op and Remus sat Sirius on one of the picnic tables before settling down next to him.

Sirius kept staring at his hands until Remus tentatively put an arm around his shoulders. Sirius turned to bury his face in Remus' chest, his arms automatically weaving their way around Remus' waist as they did when James was the one comforting him. He stayed there for what felt like an eternity, breathing in the scent of tea and cigarettes, feeling the soft knit of Remus' damned cardigan against his fingers in the middle of August.

He wasn't sure how long it was before he pulled back, but he heard himself apologizing.

"For this, for..." Sirius looked at Remus, "for having to hear all of that."

Remus shook his head, his arm still around Sirius. "Nothing to apologize for." 

For a moment, Sirius thought about how close they were, how Remus' mouth was inches from his. He was pulled out of his musing as Remus spoke.

"I, er-" He began. "The students are probably waiting..."

"Right! I completely forgot - You should go back inside," Sirius assured him.

"I don't want to leave you out here like this," Remus looked concerned. Sirius shook his head, waving his hand.

"It's-I'm... I'll be okay," Sirius said, probably sounding anything but. "You go teach, those kids need you more than I do."

"Right this minute, I'm not so sure."

"Go, please. I'll - call James or Lily. I'll be alright."

Remus nodded but looked at him a moment longer before getting up. "Call me or come grab me if you need help, okay? I can reschedule office hours."

After being reassured, Remus finally made his way back inside. Sirius sat on the picnic table for over an hour, going over the whole conversation with Regulus in his head, again and again, picking every tiny thing apart. One thing was clear and Sirius kept coming back to it; his parents didn't know where he was. They didn't!

He thought of Remus and how he'd heard everything. Sirius hoped he hadn't been put off by it; it had taken so much convincing to get him to consider teaching and he was amazing at it, Sirius would hate if his family ruined that too. He probably owed Remus an explanation.

The last few students were trickling out of the Moon Room as Sirius headed back into the Co-op. Hoping no more remained, he took a deep breath and strode in, finding Remus picking up a stack of books.

"Would you like to grab a cup of coffee?" Sirius asked.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for some very slight (slight) gore again at the very end of the chapter when discussing broken bones

Remus had taken to hanging around deeper and deeper into the time he usually set aside to train in recent weeks. He found that he couldn't help himself; the Co-op had such a great vibe to it and Remus was intoxicated. When his classes would end, he'd find an excuse to linger; James and Benjy had requested an extra set of hands when setting up some new speakers, the twins needed a third to play cards, some kids had begged him to help with a new trick. The place was "acceptance" embodied, and he just couldn't tear himself away just to prepare himself for his next turn in the ring. 

And then there was Sirius.

Sirius flitted around the Co-op looking more relaxed and enthusiastic around people than Remus thought anyone ought to be. When a fight broke out about whose turn it was to use the better skate ramp one day, he'd pulled supplies out of nowhere and had the brawlers working together within minutes as he taught them to make a new one. When Lily had been having a rough day, he'd painted a gorgeous mural of her namesake on the concrete floor around the front desk. When some kids had implied that it had been a few days since their last real meal, he'd ordered pizza and salads for everyone in the building, no questions asked.

There was nothing Sirius didn't meet head-on with passionate energy, and Remus couldn't take his eyes off of him.

So when Sirius came in like a brewing storm after one of his classes, Remus nearly dropped the books in his hands at the question that emerged from Sirius' lips. _Did he want to grab a cup of coffee?_ His mind was still reeling from the conversation he'd overheard between Sirius and - Regulus? - and he wasn't sure how he felt about it all. Remus had recognized the man who entered the Co-op as the one who'd been at the Gym several months ago to order the job at the strip club. He understood now, why he'd seemed familiar then. He was a smaller, more stoic version of Sirius; his brother.

For a horrible moment, as the man walked through the front doors, Remus had thought Fenrir had caught on and sent someone to haul Remus back. Even if that didn't end up being the case, it had been too close for comfort.

Still, seeing Sirius in the wake of the conversation had nearly broken his heart. These last weeks at the Co-op had been... effervescent. Remus' classes gave him a sense of purpose that Remus had never felt before in his life and his mood lifted each time he entered the building, even if his training sessions may have been taking a hit. Plus, there was Sirius. It had been getting harder and harder for Remus to ignore his constant stomach flips and heart rate increases around the other man. He'd become friendly with most of the regular staff at the Co-op, but his discussions with Sirius always left him a bit lightheaded. He could still feel Sirius' arms around his waist from when they sat together in the courtyard earlier and Remus was having trouble pushing away his desire to wrap Sirius up again and make sure he was okay.

"I just," Sirius continued as Remus probably resembled a rabbit caught in headlights, "feel like I owe you a bit of an explanation."

"Er...Yeah," Remus got out, trying to ignore the faint voice screaming at him that he was headed deeper into a cave that he ought to be climbing out of. "Yeah, coffee sounds great."

* * *

"So you may have put two and two together," Sirius started after their waitress had set down two cups a plate of biscuits in front of them. Remus unabashedly grabbed a few, having been deprived of most desserts when he was younger, "and realized that I hail from _ **The Noble and Most Ancient House of** **Black**_." ****

Sirius' exaggerated posh accent dripped with contempt and Remus couldn't help but think of his usual charm and buoyancy. The anger and uneasiness radiating off of the man in front of him now were unnerving. The House was a well-known London casino, one of the oldest and largest. Even those who didn't know their far-reaching ties to the criminal underground at least knew of its more above-board fame. Remus nodded, encouraging Sirius to continue.

"It's not-I... I'm not like them," Sirius promised and Remus got the feeling he was trying to convince himself as much as Remus. "I got out of there when I was 15, didn't look back." Sirius tapped absentmindedly on the table with his fingers, deep in thought. The tattoo on his finger caught Remus' eye again. "Not even for Reg..."

"From what you were saying earlier, he had his chance to leave with you," Remus pointed out. Sirius' head dipped slightly, shaking back and forth.

"I think a part of me knew, even then, that he would never go," Sirius said sadly. "He gave my parents everything they couldn't get out of me; dignity, obedience. Even the few times he messed up as a kid - laughed too loud or accidentally knocked something over - I told them it was my fault, y'know? No reason for him to get hurt..."

"That's a lot for a kid to take on," Remus said, not mentioning the absurd load of responsibility that he himself had been given as a child. He thought of his own parents and the underlying anger he still harbored for them. "You weren't responsible for him as a teenager yourself, Sirius. Your parents owed you both more than that." 

Sirius smiled, but it was small and bitter, a counter to his usual delighted one. It hurt Remus to see and he was surprised by how protective he was feeling of his friend's happiness. Friend. The word still felt foreign to him, but he _knew_ the man across the table was important to him.

"That's exactly what James said when I showed up on his doorstep that night," Sirius continued. "His parents were everything the Blacks weren't, warm and sincere and accepting. They were gracious enough to take me in without a second thought. I don't know where I'd be without them. On the streets still, most likely."

Remus looked down into his cup, now empty, no longer offering a sip to fill a moment as he thought. Instead, the words on his lips tumbled out before he could really consider them. "That's where I grew up."

Sirius' eyes grew a bit wider, almost imperceptibly, but Remus could tell he was surprised at Remus' admission. 

"I, uh-" Remus cleared his throat. "Technically I had a place to sleep, I suppose. I tried not to be there as often as possible though... It's good that you had somewhere comforting to go. I think-I... I think that would have made a lot of difference."

Sirius reach out and placed a hand on Remus', which Remus hadn't realized had formed into a fist. Slowly, he relaxed it as Sirius idly examined his fingers. Remus closed his eyes at the touch, feeling the familiar urge to invite him home for the night - or rather, invite himself over since Remus didn't bring people to his own place. That was a pipedream though - Remus couldn't keep that _casual_. They were coworkers for Christ's sake... 

"That's part of why I started the Co-op," Sirius said after a moment and Remus was pulled back to the table he sat at. "Everyone deserves to have somewhere to go."

Remus was quiet for a moment and he could tell Sirius was debating whether or not to ask more about his upbringing, or maybe just seeing if Remus would offer up any additional information on his own.

"You don't have to tell me anything else unless you want to, you know" Sirius finally spoke. "I know how hard it can be to bring things up sometimes. Hell, I haven't spoken about all of this in I don't even know how long... I think Lily and James are the only ones who know most of it. And my therapist." Sirius laughed quietly.

Remus smiled back at Sirius, pleased that he seemed to understand. It wasn't that he didn't want to open up to Sirius - in fact, he wanted to desperately - but he knew that doing so could be dangerous. Both for Remus and Sirius. Remus had to find a way to truly extricate himself from Greyback, but he needed some sort of support system first - as Sirius had had with the Potters, Remus thought.

"Do you..." Sirius began. "Would you want to... come home with me tonight?" This time it was Remus' turn for his eyes to go wide.

"I don't-I... I've never-" Remus was trying to find a normal excuse to explain to Sirius why he'd never dated, but Sirius must have taken his stammering to mean something else.

"We don't have to do anything!" He hurried to add. "I just-I think tonight's going to be difficult after... and I've already bothered James so much recently."

Remus was quiet for a moment, calculating.

"Maybe that was a lot to ask," Sirius said quietly. "It's okay - I really appreciate you taking the time to let me explain a bit. I hope the scene with Regulus didn't scare you off from the Co-op or anythi-"

"No, I... I'll come with you," Remus assured him. Sirius smiled, not quite his usual, carefree smile, but awfully close.

* * *

If James and Lily were surprised when Remus stepped into the apartment behind Sirius a little while later, they didn't actually say anything, but Remus thought he got the impression that Sirius wasn't quite in the habit of bringing people home either. They both greeted him warmly, and he was amazed again at how lovely Sirius' little found family was; heartfelt and accepting just as Sirius was. Remus found himself wondering how his life may have gone differently if he'd found these people a decade earlier.

"Heya, Sirius, Remus," James nodded at each of them as he cleaned up what must have been dinner. Lily smiled at them as they settled at the breakfast bar across from where she was drying some dishes. Remus took a moment to digest the open floor plan of the apartment; the front door had let them right into the dining room, which melded into the kitchen on the other side of the bar. Beyond, Remus could see a step up to a plush-looking living room lined with tall windows and shelves of vinyl records. It made his single room with countless, disorganized stacks of books seem stark.

"Where've you two been? Benjy said you both disappeared after Remus' class," Lily's voice reached them from under the counter where she was putting away a few pans.

"Ah, well," Sirius began, "we decided to get out of there following a lovely visit from my brother."

"From _who_?" James dropped the fork he was washing and it clattered in the sink. "Are you okay?"

"What happened?" Lily asked at the same time. 

Sirius told them the gist of everything that happened at the Co-op earlier, leaving out their close moment in the courtyard afterward.

"Do we-should I start looking at other apartments?" Lily inquired and Remus was startled by the seriousness in her voice. It was clear that they'd do anything to help each other at the drop of a hat.

"No," Sirius shook his head. "Don't get me wrong, the whole situation has knocked reality a bit sideways for a moment, but in a way, I think it was a good thing... Regulus seemed positive that our parents haven't been keeping tabs on me since our last move. I don't think they know about the Co-op or the site or anything."

"I think I'm still going to upgrade the security system at the Co-op," Lily said and Sirius nodded his agreement. "Maybe here too." 

"That's probably not a bad idea," Sirius trailed off into a yawn.

"You look exhausted, bro," James said gently. "You ought to get some sleep."

"Yeah, I-" another yawn cut him off, "that's not a bad idea either." He looked at Remus, who smiled back and nodded.

"Mind if I hit the lav quick first?" he asked.

"'Course," Sirius pointed down the hallway and then at the door just off the kitchen next to the living room. "Toilet's down there on the right, I'm just here when you're done, yeah?"

Remus headed down the hall to use the bathroom, splashing water on his face afterward. _Was this a bad idea?_ Who was he kidding, of course, it was. The real question was; did it matter? He looked at his reflection in the mirror, taking in the scars on his eyebrow, nose, and jaw. Remus couldn't give Sirius an explanation for them, and yet Sirius had still shown him affection, opened up to him about his past. Remus was staying with Sirius tonight no matter what, so he supposed that gave him his answer.

Lily was waiting for him in the hallway as he opened the bathroom door, causing him to jump slightly.

"Sorry!" she laughed. "Sorry, I just- well, I just wanted to let you know... Sirius will likely have some nightmares tonight."

Remus nodded, familiar with them on occasion himself. "Is there anything specific I can do to help him if he does?"

"Just be there," she offered, "hold onto him so he knows where reality is." She stood there a moment longer before dipping her head and heading further down the hall, to her and James' room, Remus assumed.

He knocked lightly on Sirius' door before opening it tentatively. The room on the other side was immense; not quite just large - it was still a bedroom in a London apartment after all, but the way it was set up gave the illusion of wide-open space and Remus took it all in, open-mouthed. One entire wall was made up of floor-to-roof windows, made that much taller by the high ceilings. A lofted space toward the right side of the room held an enormous bed, all fluffy blankets and pillows.

Sirius, who had changed into a pair of black joggers and a tank top, was rummaging in some shelves below the loft.

"Do you want something else to wear?" he asked, pulling out another few garments similar to his own. "You're taller than me, but I think these were James' anyway."

Remus looked down at his jeans and silently agreed that they probably wouldn't be comfortable for lounging. 

"You can change down here if you want," Sirius said as he began climbing up the loft. "I gotta clear off the bed."

After he'd finished and slid his arms back into his cardigan, Remus eyed the loft with curiosity and took a short running jump to grab the top edge before pulling himself up. Sirius stared at him blankly, the pillow he'd be rearranging still frozen in the air.

"Show off," he mumbled, finishing up what he was doing before climbing into his bed.

"I just wanted to see if I could do it," Remus laughed, running a hand through his curls. "I told you I liked parkour... and I really _do_ work at a gym, you know." He paused, unsure of where to put himself. Sirius pulled the covers back and patted the other side of the bed.

"Come! Tell me about parkour," Sirius said lightly. "What got you into such a ridiculous hobby."

"It's not ridiculous," Remus said in mock defense, making his way into the bed. "It's like languages in a way-it's a puzzle to get to the end of the sentence, the end of the line, the end of the course. What's ridiculous is having a bed so high off the ground."

Sirius laughed a moment and then sighed, his head resting on Remus' shoulder. 

"I'm sorry if this is weird," he breathed. Remus took Sirius' hand, much like Sirius had in the coffee shop earlier.

"It's not," he promised.

At some point, they must have both drifted off because Remus was roused from sleep with a jolt a while later. Sirius had sat upright and seemed to be struggling to take in a solid breath.

"Hey, it's okay," Remus pulled him into his arms, "You're not wherever you thought you were. You're here in your bedroom, Sirius, with me."

Sirius' unsteady gasps gave way to quiet sobs as he fell into Remus' chest again. Remus continued to assure him that everything was okay, nothing was Sirius' fault. Absently he rubbed Sirius' arm as his breathing eventually grew a bit more steady. The skin on the inside of his forearm was a bit jagged in one spot. He knew it was near one of Sirius' tattoo bands, but those were all straight lines. He lifted Sirius' arm gently, curious.

"Christmastime, when I was fourteen," Sirius sniffled as Remus took in the rough scar partially hidden by the larger, lower band around his forearm. "James had gotten me my first longboard and I was trying to teach Reg how to balance on it. My... father-Orion. He flew off the handle when he saw what we were doing, got a little carried away, broke the board over my arm, and assured me I wouldn't do something so reckless to endanger his son again. Walburga had our caretaker wrap it up, so the scar never really healed right. Had to tell my school nurse I'd fallen off my board the next week when I went back to school and finally had someone set the bone correctly."

"A little carried away?" Remus asked incredulously. "That's... that's barbaric." Even when Remus got hurt in the ring, he'd never had to wait a week for it to be looked at. What kind of house did the Blacks run, exactly?

"Courtesy of the family principles," Sirius said sardonically, tracing his scar. Remus sighed, rolling up the sleeve of his cardigan to reveal his own scarred forearm. His scar nearly mirrored Sirius' where another fighter had once trodden on his arm in the ring. The bone had erupted out of the skin and he'd been unable to fight for months afterward.

"Courtesy of the family business," Remus echoed quietly. Sirius turned his wrist so he could hold onto Remus' outstretched hand, pulling it closer so he could touch his lips to the mark on Remus' arm. Like that, they both slipped back into sleep.

It wasn't until Remus woke early the next morning that he realized his phone had died hours prior.


	8. Chapter 8

Sirius was alone in his bed the following morning and for a horrifying moment, he worried that he'd completely scared Remus off. As he blinked at the sunlight streaming through his windows, he noticed a message waiting from his phone. 

_Hey, sorry I had to skip out early this morning - got pulled into work. :(_

Sirius looked at the time stamp and saw that it had been sent hours ago, barely sunrise. How early did his family need him at the gym? Sirius wondered again if work was just an excuse and he _had_ freaked him out the previous night, before shooting off his own text.

**No worries - thank you for last night. I'll see you at the Co-op this afternoon?**

Sirius climbed down from his bed to get ready to head to the Co-op himself. Heading out of his room to make himself some tea, he ran into Lily and James in the kitchen already.

"Mornin', Pads," James said brightly, pulling some eggs from the fridge. "Breakfast for four?"

"Just the three of us, sadly," Sirius shook his head. "Remus headed out early this morning."

"Bummer," James frowned. 

"You have a nice night though?" Lily asked and Sirius couldn't help the smile as it spread across his face.

"Yeah," he said softly. "Yeah, it was... really nice. Did have one horrible nightmare, but having Remus there helped immensely. I just hope..."

"You hope...?" Lily prompted. Sirius sighed.

"Well, I hope I didn't scare him off, y'know?" Sirius began slowly, and then all at once. "First the conversation with Reg and my reaction, then the coffee shop where I basically just threw my life story at him, and then - then he agrees to come home with me, and I basically just cried the whole time? When I put it together like that, it sounds like a horrible first date, doesn't it? Also, _was it a date? I dunno!_ "

"Pads-Sirius," James should his shoulder. "You're overthinking this."

"Hmm, yes. I've been known to do that," Sirius took a deep breath.

"My advice? Ask him straight up," Lily offered. "You're both adults; there's no reason to skirt around something like this. If you're headed toward a relationship, communication is important and you ought to start out being clear with one another." She put out her hand to Sirius' on the counter. "If you want my opinion though, he wouldn't have come over last night if this wasn't something. I spoke to him before he went to your room; he wanted to know how to help you."

Sirius' heart warmed and he smiled gratefully at his two friends as James handed him a plate of eggs and bacon. After breakfast, they headed to the Co-op together and Sirius tried not to think about how Remus hadn't responded to his text.

* * *

Four hours later, and Sirius still hadn't gotten so much as a read receipt. He knew Remus didn't owe him anything after last night, but he usually returned messages fairly quickly and Sirius just hoped his friend was okay. Plus, Remus had a class quickly approaching this afternoon and Sirius always hated having to turn students away when schedules got switched up.

Sirius busied himself around the Co-op, helping Lily with some paperwork, fixing a ramp with James, trying to ignore the hour hand sliding around the clock near the front door. He twisted the small ring in his eyebrow, as he often did when he was nervous or restless. At ten to three, when Remus still hadn't shown, Sirius officially got nervous. Remus was always at least fifteen minutes early for his classes. 

Five past. Sirius shuffled some papers aimlessly around the front desk, much to Lily's annoyance.

Ten past. Sirius decided the couches were in the wrong spot and tried to move one before James stopped him and forced him to sit down on one.

At twenty past, just as Sirius was about to go break the news to the kids that they may have to reschedule, Remus hobbled through the front doors. Seeing Sirius, he straightened into a gait that was clearly trying to hide a limp.

"Sorry," he rushed out. "I'm so sorry - couldn't find my board, had to walk here. Are the students still here?"

 _Couldn't_ find _your board or couldn't_ ride _your board?_ Sirius thought silently.

"Yeah," Sirius said, not wanting to keep them waiting any longer. "Yeah, they're in your usual room. You okay?"

Remus nodded, leaning on the front desk. "'Course, yeah. Sorry again, let me head in there."

Sirius watched him go, feeling just as anxious as before Remus showed up. Only now he was worrying less about scaring Remus off, and more about his friend's wellbeing. Could that really just be a kickboxing injury? What kind of kickboxing emergency got you called into work at 5 am?

Remus stayed in the Moon Room a bit longer than usual, offering some impromptu office hours as an apology to his students for running late. As the last kid headed out, Sirius saw Remus slipping off to the courtyard, likely for a smoke, and wandered after him. Before Remus realized he wasn't alone, Sirius watched as he staggered toward a picnic table. When he finally sat and spotted Sirius at the door, he looked up at the sky and sighed.

"I know you want to ask what happened," Remus spoke to the air above him and Sirius tried to ignore the discoloration he noticed at the base of his neck.

"I won't though," Sirius let his voice drift across the courtyard. "I meant what I said last night. You don't have to tell me anything until you're ready."

Remus didn't answer at first, just pulled out a pack of cigarettes with visible effort and lit one between his lips. "I'm sorry if I worry you. It's not my intention."

Sirius snorted, making his own way over to the picnic table and sitting next to Remus. "You held me as I panicked two separate times yesterday. I was about to apologize for worrying _you_. I thought I freaked you out and you'd be gone from here for good."

Remus blinked at him. "Why would-? You didn't freak me out." His tone was matter-of-fact and Sirius let out a breath did hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"Good, I...I wanted to thank you for yesterday," he said. "I know it was a lot. And probably not what you expected when I asked you out for coffee."

"I don't have a lot of experience with coffee dates, so I'm not sure if they often end in late-night scar show and tells," Remus laughed, "but I was happy to be there."

"Is that what it was?" Sirius asked tentatively. "A date? ...Because...I'd like to do it again. Maybe less hyperventilating next time."

Remus was quiet for a long moment and Sirius started preparing himself for a rejection.

"I don't date," Remus said quietly and Sirius nodded, understanding. It was another moment before Remus continued, "But... I'd like to."

Sirius' eyes widened as he looked over and met Remus' gaze. He looked... determined. Something had changed since last night.

"I can't-" Remus started, a hand going through his hair. "I'm not sure I can promise you anything. I've never done this and I-Well, I'd likely disappear a lot for work. I just... I don't want to worry you."

"I can understand that. I haven't dated in over half a decade, so I'm a bit wobbly at this, myself," Sirius said earnestly. "And I'll try not to pry into the things you'd rather not discuss yet. Can you promise me though, that if you're in some serious danger, you'll tell me?"

Remus looked at him for a long minute before nodding and Sirius wondered what options he had been weighing in his head.

"Okay, so...we take this slow." Sirius drummed his fingers on his knee as he thought this through. Remus placed a hand over them, stilling his fingers before he took Sirius' hand like he had the night before.

"We take this slow," he agreed. His cigarette had gone out, but this close, Sirius still smelled the smoke on his lips, mixed with what he thought was lavender tea. He found himself leaning into the smell, wanting to wrap himself in it, as Remus' hand came up to his face. Before he could second guess himself, Sirius pressed his lips to Remus'.

* * *

Sirius made it about 4 days, pretending he was totally chill with his brother's interruption earlier in the week, before he started to overthink things. Despite the warning from Regulus, Sirius had continued to dig and even made a few more contacts from his original caddy subject. He had posted one more story today, but the few others he'd gathered so far were going to be ammo for further down the line. 

As he planned out the future posts though, his brain decided to veer left. Did Regulus really mean it when he said he wouldn't inform their parents of Sirius' whereabouts? He had to, right? They were brothers after all.

_Did brothers abandon each other in abusive homes and cut all ties for ten years?_

Sirius shook that line of thinking from his head and thought about what Regulus had said; he'd seen Sirius on his bike _weeks_ ago. If he'd wanted to tell their parents, the window had been wide open. Wouldn't Orion have been here in a heartbeat? Well, maybe he wouldn't have lowered himself to step foot in the Co-op, but Sirius felt sure that he would have had a surprise visit at his apartment one night after having been followed.

That thought made him worry, if not for himself, for Remus. If things went the way of his last relationship, it wasn't Orion's style to go after Sirius directly. And with the new direction he was taking his website, he might just be bringing unwanted attention to Remus if his parents ever discovered who was publishing these posts. 

Sirius sighed, knowing he had to tell Remus. He could be at risk just for saying yes in that courtyard the other day and he had a right to know. It'd just be another thing for Sirius to add to his little chart of _Reasons to Never Date Sirius Black;_ he mentally tacked "My Family Might Kill You" just under "Dilibitating Night Terrors" and "Overshares Over Coffee."

As if on cue, Remus dropped onto the couch next to Sirius where he sat editing in the main room of the Co-op. Lately, Sirius had noticed Remus at the Co-op more and more often, sometimes coming to hang out or attend a show when he didn't even have a class. Since their discussion in the courtyard though, Remus had been noticeably absent. He still showed up for his classes, of course, but his punctuality had taken a slip and Sirius would have been hard-pressed to miss how quickly Remus made his way out the door after each lesson. In fact, Remus had barely said a word to Sirius in person since they'd kissed, which hardly stoked his confidence in the conversation he was about to throw Remus' way.

"Hey you," Sirius smiled as Remus put his feet up on the sticker-plastered coffee table in front of them. "Long time, no see." 

"Hey yourself," Remus nodded at the laptop on Sirius' crossed legs. "What're you working on?"

Sirius let out a stark laugh and ran a hand through his hair. "Funny you should ask that, actually."

He looked over at Remus, almost hoping he'd say something to distract him, get them off-topic, never have this conversation. Instead, Remus stared back, waiting for Sirius to continue.

"I need to tell you something," Sirius admitted. Remus quirked an eyebrow.

"Sounds very Sirius," He replied gravely. Sirius opened his mouth to continue but stopped when he realized what Remus had said.

"Fucking, really?" Sirius laughed and Remus took his hand, smirking.

"I'm sorry - really, tell me," He said and Sirius felt a bit comforted as Remus' hands explored his fingers absently.

"I just," Sirius began, "feel like I need to explain to you why I haven't dated in a while."

"Are you feeling that way because you'd like to back out of this?" Remus' hands had stilled.

"No, no," Sirius assured him, "Nothing like that, I just-there are some things you should know before we get too...In case you... _You_ may want to back out of this, y'know, once you hear."

"I don't think that'll happen," Remus' fingers had begun massaging his own again and Sirius closed his eyes for a moment.

"My last partner," Sirius said, eyes still closed as he focused on Remus' touch, "my parents didn't like how open I was with him - how I _flaunted_ my aberration, they said. My blog at the time, it was a loud celebration of all things queer; a lowdown on local events, safe spaces, advice. I poured myself into it, and well... they didn't like having something like that connected to their _prestige_."

Sirius was quiet for a moment, trying to get the next part out.

"They hurt you," Remus guessed and Sirius shook his head.

"They hurt him," he said. "I got the call that he was in the hospital one day and I knew - I just _knew_ it was my fault, y'know? It was like I could feel them watching my reaction... for all I know, they were."

"That wasn't your fault, Sirius."

"Well, sure enough - when I got to his hospital room, he had a message for me...from them," Sirus said quietly. "I don't think... I don't think he really understood it all. But I did."

Remus squeezed Sirius' hand, but he barely felt it. He was back in that hospital room with the steady beeping of machines in his ears.

"It was the last time I saw him," he continued. "There, in that room. I couldn't even tell him where I was going... I check up on him everyone once in a while though - online. He and his partner got married last year. Seems like he's doing well..."

Sirius let himself trail off, knowing he was rambling a bit at this point as he came back to the present.

"You're afraid they're going to do the same if they find out about me," Remus said. It wasn't a question.

"I just," Sirius swallowed. "I've just, um - been working on a new project, and they're not going to be too pleased when they realize..."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Remus asked. "Can you?"

Sirius pulled up his recent work on his laptop and tilted it so Remus could see better.

"It started out as a safety net, y'know?" Sirius explained. "I figured if they do want to come after me, I should have something I could threaten them with right back."

"But now?" Remus asked as his eyes raked the story in front of him.

"Well now, I'm wondering if I might be on to something. I mean - we don't necessarily have to rely on the authorities to take a business like this down. Racketeering, trafficking, extortion. In the world of social media, companies have crumbled for less."

Sirius looked at Remus, who still had his eyes glued to the laptop, and wondered if he sounded crazy. After a few minutes, Remus dragged his gaze from the screen and it landed on Sirius.

"I want to help."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading - i hope you're enjoying it so far! :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whooooop, it's a longer one today. :)  
> enjoy!

It was still dark when Remus had stirred in Sirius' bed the morning after they'd shared their scars like twin fissures cutting through the space between them. Taking a moment to register where he was, the subtly ubiquitous lighting and Sirius dozing on his bicep, Remus let out a little sigh. It felt nice to lie in someone else's bed without a preamble of sex that felt like an urgent transaction. He couldn't remember a time he'd felt so content - no thoughts of work, or fights, or his phone.

Shit. His phone.

 _Shit. Shit. Shit._ Carefully, so as not to wake Sirius, Remus extricated himself from the loft to find his bundle of clothes, which he frantically pulled on as he tried to boot up his likely-dead phone. He had just enough time to register _4 Missed Calls_ and shoot off an apology text to Sirius before the screen went black and the battery died completely.

This wasn't good.

Without even stopping by his flat first, Remus headed directly to the Gym as quickly as possible, happy he had ridden his skateboard to work the day before and still had it with him. As he rolled up to the building, Remus hopped off his board before it had even come to a stop. Bursting through the main doors, Remus' heart dropped as he was met with an empty room.

 _Shit._ They'd already gone to whatever job they'd been called in to do. Not good was an understatement.

He'd just had time to plug in his phone at one of the wall outlets near the ring when he heard voices out in the hallway. Travers was the first one through the double doors, followed by the newbie Remus recognized as the one who'd complained about his solo training a couple of months back. Dolohov was his name, Remus was fairly sure.

"Lupin!" Travers exclaimed, smiling widely. "Oi, where you been?"

"First missing training sessions, now skipping out on assignments," a cruel smirk cut across Dolohov's face. "Don't think that one's going to go over too well. Fenrir's already in a foul mood."

As if summoned by his mention, Greyback ripped into the room behind everyone else. His cold, yellow eyes grew stormy when they landed on Remus. Before Remus could even take in a breath to form his apology, Fenrir had him by the neck against the wall.

" _ **Where**_ _were you?_ " he growled. Remus clawed at the hand at his throat, trying to get a grip in order to explain.

"Charger-broke," he ground out. "Didn't-" _Gasp._ "Didn't realize-phone died."

Greyback's grip didn't loosen for a moment, causing Remus to wonder for a brief second if he wouldn't meet his end in the ring after all.

Finally, the hand crushing Remus' esophagus disappeared and Remus fell hard to the floor, pain shooting through his knee as he struggled to breathe again. Over his own rattling gasps, he heard a faint snicker and would have bet money that it had fallen out of Dolohov.

"I think," Fenrir purred, "I've let you run wild a bit too long." He squatted next to where Remus was still collapsed on the floor and pushed a strand of his hair back. "So you'll be training with us today. Now, everyone - 50 squat thrusts each. Let's go!"

The group was on 22 by the time Remus had been able to pull himself up and join in, breathing heavily. They stood there watching as he made his way up to 50 himself, Fenrir standing in front of him the whole time. 

"Again." He told Remus before he addressed the room, his eyes not moving from Remus' face. "Everyone else - sit-ups, push-ups, jabs. You know the drill."

The group went through their usual warm-up routine while Remus repeated his own monotonous drill; squat, plank, kick, squat, jump. His lungs were burning, along with the knee he'd landed on earlier, but he pushed through, knowing it'd only get worse if he slacked off. As he struggled to finish his second set, his mind went to this morning and how he'd give anything to be back in Sirius' bed with him wrapped up in his arms. He _really_ needed to figure out how to get out of this place for good. At fifty, Greyback's gaze still hadn't broken.

"Again," he said slowly. Remus glared at him for a long moment before complying. It went on and on like that for hours; squats, sit-ups, laps - there was no shortage of drills Fenrir could put him through and Remus was beginning to get anxious as morning made its way into the afternoon. He had a class later today and he hadn't even been able to check his phone to make sure Sirius had received his message from earlier.

Eventually, Greyback pushed Remus into the ring, clearly still angry with him.

"Dolohov," he barked, "get in there too."

Remus wanted to scream as loud as his muscles were. He didn't have time for this. And with _Dolohov?_ On a good day, he'd be able to flatten him in two moves, but then, today wasn't a good day. Remus was aching and drained, and Dolohov climbed into the ring before him looking like he'd had a day full of easy warm-ups and nothing more.

"Not looking so shiny now, Golden Boy," Dolohov chided. Remus swung, impatient and sloppy, and his opponent sidestepped it easily. A foot came down on the back of the knee Remus had been nursing all day and he hit the mat hard. No doubt, this is what Greyback expected. He wanted to show Remus that he could be brought down a peg, that he had been given too much freedom and it could easily be taken away. Trying his best to ignore the pain, Remus straightened up and hopped tentatively a few times before jumping to loosen up for a moment.

If that was the message Greyback was trying to send right now, Remus had one of his own. He wouldn't be relinquishing his spot at the top, especially not during some unofficial training sparring match. Not with Dolohov.

As Dolohov came at him next, it was Remus' turn to sidestep. He put all the force he had left in him into a jab to the side of Dolohov's head and Remus watched as he fell back onto the mat, out cold.

Remus climbed out of the ring and met Greyback's eyes, mirroring the fury he found there.

"I'm leaving now." He declared.

As Remus passed Greyback, his phone and power cable were thrust into his chest.

"Next time, answer your phone," Fenrir snarled. "And we'll see you back at training regularly."

* * *

The next few days were long stretches of drills, ice packs, and desperate commutes to the Co-op to show up for his own lessons on time. Which rarely happened.

Just after Sirius had kissed him in the courtyard, Remus' newly charged phone had buzzed in his back pocket and it felt like it hadn't stopped since. Each morning, training ate into the time he'd normally be hanging at the Co-op before a class, and each evening like clockwork, Greyback would summon him. The past few nights, the work had been mindless, just standing watch outside of a safehouse with Travers or some other faceless colleague. Part of Remus wondered if anything was even _in_ the safehouse, or if Greyback had just assigned him the job and a babysitter to keep him in line.

Lighting a cigarette, Remus sighed heavily. It was the 4th night of this and he was exhausted. What he wouldn't give to be sprawled in the irrational amount of fluffy blankets and pillows lining Sirius' bed, Sirius by his side. He closed his eyes, trying to take himself there and away from the concrete wall he currently leaned against, his weight on his unbruised knee. He had just come from a conversation with Sirius on the Co-op couches. In the few minutes they finally had together this week, he dropped a conversation into Remus' lap that Remus had not been expecting.

Remus was glad that Sirius had felt comfortable enough to share what must have been a really tough story to relive, and he was more than a little intrigued by the site Sirius secretly worked on, but Remus had to admit that it complicated things. Earlier this week, Remus had steadied himself to cut and run from the Gym for good. He'd planned to talk to Sirius about his earlier offer to help Remus get away from his bad situation. He could take the winnings from the upcoming fight this weekend, leave his flat behind, and go.

That had been the goal originally, at least. Then Sirius had told him his intention to possibly crumble the Underground through the power of public opinion and Remus had been momentarily stunned. He couldn't leave now, not yet - not when Remus could provide **so** much information to help Sirius. 

Remus had 15 years' worth of connections and stories from the Underground, and nearly all of it tied back to the House in some way or another. He didn't have any evidence of much himself, but he could talk to people, he could get people to talk to Sirius, and he could pay more attention on jobs. Real jobs, that was; not these bullshit security assignments. If he was staying with the Gym now, he wasn't ready to tell Sirius about his fighting quite yet, but he thought of a few contacts he could try reaching out to who might be willing to have a conversation with Sirius.

His eyes were still closed as he took a long drag on his cigarette, thinking.

"Aren't ya supposed to be keeping watch or sumthin'?" Travers' voiced floated over from beneath the buzzing light near the door of the safe house.

"I think you and I both know there's nothing to watch for," Remus exhaled and rolled his head against the wall to eye Travers. Travers shrugged.

"Maybe," Travers admitted, "But I wouldn't be pushin' your luck just now if I were you."

"Greyback can't do anything else to me," Remus said. "Anything more right now and it'd hurt my chances in the ring even further. He's brutal, but he's not stupid; he knows I'm his best fighter."

Travers grunted noncommittally, but Saturday rolled around to prove Remus right.

His match that night had gone on forever, but he still came out on top. And fairly unscathed, all things considered. He sat on the table as Doc rewrapped his knee, admonishing him for working it so hard this week instead of taking it easy.

"You shouldn't be training for that many hours a day," he was saying, "and you _definitely_ shouldn't have fought tonight."

"Didn't have a choice, Doc," Remus shook his head. "You know that."

Doc let out a breath as he finished the wrap.

"Things should calm down this week," Remus went on. "Greyback was pissed at me, but I just proved that my head is still in the game. I won him his money, kept up my spot, he'll cool off and I can get back to my usual training."

"I certainly hope so," Doc said. "You'll run yourself ragged if you keep on like this. You need sleep, I can see it in the bags under your eyes."

"Aye, I've been more than a little busy lately," Remus began quietly. "I started working somewhere else... teaching."

Doc's eyes went wide and he punched Remus lightly on the shoulder.

"No shit?" he asked and Remus nodded, smiling. "Where at?" Remus looked around. They were the only ones still there - Remus always waited to see Doc last - but he was still wary of mentioning more than that here in the Gym.

"Not sure I want to say just yet," he admitted. Doc nodded, understanding, as they made their way out of the little room that served as the Infirmary and down the hall.

"Well, I bet you're great at it," he said and Remus smiled at him. "You need anything, you'll tell me, yeah?"

He knew that Doc meant he'd be willing to help Remus truly leave, but he couldn't ask him to step in. Doc still had to come to the Gym regularly, after all. Still, Remus thanked him as they emerged into the lot outside. He breathed in deep. The nights would start turning crisp soon, his favorite time of the year.

Remus was waving good night to Doc when he felt his phone buzz and nearly screamed. He couldn't be getting called to a job right now, _could he?_ All the pressing things on fight nights were usually left to Scabior's lot. With a groan, he dragged his phone out of his pocket but was pleasantly surprised to see a different name on the screen.

Sirius.

**Any chance sleep is eluding you again? I could use some company.**

_I'll be there in fifteen minutes._

Sirius let him in downstairs at the entrance to the converted warehouse that was his apartment building, pulling him into a kiss before Remus could even ask how he was doing. Remus delved into it, pressing Sirius against the wall inside the corridor, his hands tangling in the loose hair around Sirius' face. For a moment, he let himself get lost in Sirius - the faint smell of paint and pale skin that always seemed just a degree too cold. Sirius' kisses seemed to get more frantic and Remus grabbed his hands, pulling away only to pull Sirius into his chest.

"We said _slow,_ " he murmured into his hair. "And you're upset."

"Sorry," Sirius' voice was muffled. "You don't have to stay if you don't want - just... having a rough night and James and Lil are still out at a show... I should have just gone with them."

"You've nothing to apologize for," Remus said gently. "I'm glad you texted; I've been thinking about you all day... all week. Let's go upstairs and you can tell me what's bothering you."

* * *

Remus had borrowed a pair of sweatpants again. He sighed and closed his eyes, relaxed for what felt like the first time in days, as he laid in Sirius' bed a little while later.

"I've been daydreaming about this bed all week too," Remus let his arms fall back on the pillows.

"Have you now?" Sirius inquired, and Remus could hear the smirk in his voice. He smiled himself and cracked an eye, peering over to where Sirius hovered at the edge of the mattress.

"Yeah, it's-well, it's very different from the places I'm used to sleeping," Remus admitted. Sirius frowned.

"Right," he said, sounding a little flustered. "Right, of course - I'm sorry."

Remus put out a hand and touched Sirius' wrist. "You need to stop apologizing when there's nothing for you to be sorry for. Everything is okay and you don't need to worry about me breaking at the mention of something." He tugged gently on Sirius' arm. "You, however, look troubled. Come lay down, tell me what's up."

Sirius finally climbed into the bed, wrapping his arms around Remus' waist, and laid his head on Remus' chest. 

"I just don't do very well in empty rooms by myself," Sirius said quietly. "It's part of the reason I'm at the Co-op as often as possible; there're always people around."

"Why is that?" Remus asked, but Sirius shook his head a bit.

"Last time we were in this bed, all we did was talk about me," he said. "I'd like to hear about you -if, if you want to talk, that is." The last part rushed out of Sirius' mouth and Remus smiled at him again.

"What would you like to hear me talk about?" he asked.

"Anything you'd like to share - how was your week? What are your plans for the rest of the weekend? Distract me."

Remus thought back on the week and grimaced; he didn't really want to talk about any of that. Tomorrow was Sunday though, and the day following a fight; normally, he'd have those days free and after Remus' win today he figured Greyback would at least give him this small respite.

"I was thinking about doing some climbing tomorrow," Remus finally said. "Would you want to come with me?"

Sirius turned his head to look at him, putting his weight on his elbows so he was on his stomach next to Remus.

"Climbing?" he asked.

"Yeah, on my days off, I try to get my workouts in a little more unconventionally," Remus explained. "That usually entails scaling an abandoned building to do push-ups on the roof."

Sirius let out an incredulous laugh. "You do what."

"Hey, parkour and urban exploring go hand-in-hand," Remus grinned. "You can't tell me it's surprising that I traipse around some ruins when I get a chance."

"I suppose not," Sirius admitted. "You just... you do so much already. It feels like every conversation we have, I find something new to be impressed about."

Remus blinked, not knowing how to respond. He'd never thought about his skills as particularly impressive before. Each of them had stemmed from some necessary evil he'd had to commit as a teenager and beyond. Someone lanky needed to climb in windows and pick locks. Even some of his language skills had been a result of long exposure to a contact for a job. And Sirius didn't even know about the fighting - at least not the details.

"We don't have to talk about this if you don't want." Sirius cut into his thoughts.

"No, sorry - It's fine. I guess I'm just... not used to praise," Remus tried to laugh, but it fell a bit flat. Sirius took his hand and Remus thought about how much that small gesture had come to be a regular comfort to him. 

"Your family sounds nearly as charming as mine if you're not used to compliments," Sirius joked, massaging Remus' knuckles. Remus let his eyes close, surprised by how Sirius' comment made him think about his _real_ family for the first time in a while. He tried not to think about how Sirius would likely be noticing how scuffed and swollen his fingers were from this evening's fight. Hopefully, he'd just think they were a typical boxing result. He didn't need to know about the _illegal, bare-knuckle_ bit, right?

"They had their moments," Remus smiled, eyes still closed as he let himself be transported to Wales for the first time in what had to be years. "There was this funfair near our house when I was growing up. My parents used to take me in the summer whenever my dad could get away from work. Sometimes he'd have to stay late on a day when we were supposed to go to the fair and we'd end up missing it, but my mom never gave me a chance to be upset. As soon as she realized we couldn't go on a night they'd promised we could, she'd put on a Talking Heads album and we'd dance to it until I fell asleep, the fair completely forgotten."

Remus smiled at the memory. He hadn't spoken about either of his parents in....well, he couldn't remember speaking about them _ever_. It wasn't like the Gym had been a great spot for nurturing friendships.

"Your mom sounds lovely," Sirius said softly and Remus could tell he was trying to pair the image he'd just painted, with his talk of 'family' in the past when he referenced those at the Gym.

"She could be," Remus agreed, ignoring the memories in the back of his head of her silently watching each time he was shoved into a black van as a child. "Dad was another story. The only important thing to him was work. Family, be damned."

"You talk about them in the past tense," Sirius observed and Remus nodded.

"He died when I was sixteen or seventeen," Remus explained, "I kinda lost track of the years there for a bit, but I know it was spring. People had stopped wearing their winter coats..."

Remus trailed off, not really realizing how much he was saying as he took this unexpected trip into his memory.

"And your mom?" Sirius asked, startling Remus out of his thoughts. 

"Not actually sure," Remus said. "Haven't seen either of them since I was thirteen."

Sirius was quiet for a moment, contemplating. When he finally spoke, it was slow, like he wasn't sure if he should.

"You mentioned a family business..."

Remus was silent for a moment before letting out a small breath he must have been holding.

"Yes, the family business," Remus said in a low voice, unconsciously rubbing the scar on his forearm through his cardigan. "I admit, they're 'family' only in that I'm stuck with them and I didn't get to choose them."

"No," Sirius corrected, "it's blood you don't have a say in. Family-family, you get to choose."

Remus took his hand from Sirius and combed his fingers through Sirius' hair, pushing it out of his face and behind an ear.

"I think... I'm starting to realize that," he said, his voice now a whisper. Sirius closed his eyes, leaning into Remus' touch. "C'mere."

Sirius pushed himself up off his elbows and into Remus' lap, straddling his legs. They sat there for a moment together, each of their hands bridging the space between them to explore jawlines and auburn curls before Sirius dipped his head to meet Remus' lips again. It was more reserved than it had been down in the entryway but no less passionate, and it was taking a lot of Remus' willpower to not get carried away. He wasn't used to taking things slowly; he was used to sloppy come-ons from strangers and whispered agreements about heading back to their place.

Remus put a hand to the small of Sirius' back and easily flipped him to switch their positions. Having hardly broken their kiss, he continued on, hungrily, pressing Sirius into the mattress. Sirius let out a small noise as a hand found its way into his shirt and Remus' hand grazed up his side. It wasn't until Sirius' hips canted upwards to meet his that Remus paused.

"We don't-" Sirius started, looking worried, "If that was too much, we can-"

"No, it's not that; it's just...this is just very different from what I'm accustomed to," Remus said gently. "I don't want to mess it up." His thumb rubbed lightly at Sirius' temple where Remus' hand held the side of his face. He looked exhausted, deep bags under his eyes that Remus knew were likely mirrored beneath his own. "And I think we both need to sleep."

The anxious look on Sirius' face softened into affection after a moment and he nodded, pushing back the blankets so they could both actually get into bed.

"You have looked more than a little tired this week," Sirius granted, settling against Remus' chest again. "Do you want to tell me why?"

"I do," Remus said almost inaudibly, intertwining his fingers with Sirius'. "I'm just not sure I can yet. Do you want to tell me why you've been having such a rough week yourself?"

Sirius why quiet for a moment and Remus wondered if maybe he'd fallen asleep.

"Maybe tomorrow," Sirius said, clearly drifting off, "when it's daylight, and it seems silly."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much to everyone reading!!  
> Tw here for some discussions of childhood abuse, but I tried to fill the rest of the chapter with some lightheartedness. ♡

Sirius awoke the next morning, still tucked against Remus' side. He cracked an eye at the light streaming through his unnecessarily giant windows before lifting his head. Remus was sprawled out, one arm beneath Sirius, the other thrown over his eyes. Sirius couldn't help but smile at how at ease Remus seemed here in his bed.

He was just thinking about sneaking out of the loft to make some breakfast when Remus moved. For a second, the tranquility of the moment was missing as he rooted around in the sheets and came out with his cell phone. After checking the screen, he dropped his hand and his phone back to the bed and Sirius thought he looked relieved. Remus looked over and saw Sirius watching him.

"Morning, you," Remus smiled and the repose returned. "Sleep well?"

Sirius nodded. It was the first time in days he hadn't woken up feeling like he was being swallowed by darkness.

"How about you?" he asked, pretty sure he knew the answer. Sure enough, Remus' smile widened and he stretched out against the pillows.

"Fantastic," he said. "I don't think I've ever slept in this late. It's kind of nice."

"What do you think then - pancakes this morning?" Sirius suggested. Remus paused, looking like he was concentrating.

"I don't remember the last time I had pancakes," he finally admitted.

Sirius' felt sad for an instant, but tried to quash it; he always hated pity being thrown his way when something came out about his own past. Instead, Sirius put on an excited smile.

"Come on," he grabbed Remus' hand. "I see the way you always grab up the sweets when we have some at the Co-op. You'll love pancakes."

Sirius scrambled off the bed, trying to pull Remus with him and Remus began to laugh.

"I can make it down on my own, Sirius," he chuckled. "Please don't hurt yourself."

Sirius continued his climb down the loft, Remus following close behind. Making his way into the kitchen, Sirius started opening cabinets, pulling out ingredients and pans - most likely more than one person needed to cook breakfast. Lily wandered in, yawning and rubbing her eye.

"What on earth is happening?" she asked, looking from Sirius to Remus. "Good morning, Remus."

"Morning, Lil," Remus said lightly as Sirius began speaking at the same time.

"We have an emergency and the only solution is pancakes," he declared, measuring out some flour. "The emergency is that we want pancakes."

"Do I hear you're making pancakes without me?" James' voice came from the other end of the apartment. Less than a minute later, he popped into the kitchen, his hair sticking up in every direction. "What's that about, yeah?"

"Well, you're _welcome_ to help, James," Sirius tossed a packet of butter at him and nodded toward the stove before carrying on with his mixing. "I tend to burn them anyway."

"They used to do this every Sunday when Sirius started living with the Potters," Lily explained to Remus. "It's been a while since we revived the tradition. Do you want anything specific with yours, Remus?"

Lily was pulling out some powdered sugar and syrup but paused to look over at Remus. He had opened his mouth, and Sirius could tell he wasn't really sure how he was going to respond.

"Let's do some fruit, Lily!" Sirius suggested, and Remus smiled gratefully at him. "Want to help cut stuff up?"

"Yeah, sure," Remus rolled his sleeves up, just an inch or two, Sirius noticed, looking happy to help out.

Sirius had to admit though, Remus looked comfortable in their kitchen. Remus looked around, watching as Lily caught the bowl Sirius had been about to knock off the counter, as James showed off his flipping abilities before accidentally getting a pancake stuck to a cabinet, as Sirius got more flour in his hair than in the measuring cup in front of him. Sirius watched as Remus laughed with them more in the half-hour it took them to get a stack of pancakes on a platter than he had the whole week prior.

* * *

Sirius was hanging backward out of a broken window, taking a few shots of Remus as he clung to the side of the abandoned building they were exploring.

"Should you even be doing that?" Sirius shouted up to him, concerned. "You've been limping all week as it is."

Remus pushed himself off the wall and caught himself on an overhang looming above the decrepit sidewalk a couple dozen feet below. To make matters worse, he did a pull-up, smirking.

"I'm not using my knee for this," he needlessly pointed out. Sirius rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Okay, but I'm going to get some shots of the sun streaming through the broken glass over here, so there won't be anyone to show off to when you fall, okay?" Sirius pulled himself upright and back into the graffiti-streaked room he had been leaning out of. Heading out of what was likely an office at one point, he landed in a large, open room on the third floor of a long-forgotten building. Forgotten by everyone except street artists, it seemed. Every inch of the space was covered with spraypaint and it reminded Sirius on some level of the Co-op, albeit a dirty and decaying version of it.

A grunt and some faint shuffling came from behind him and he assumed Remus was making his way back down to the gravity-ruled space that the rest of humanity usually resided in. Sure enough, he popped out into the main space as Sirius continued photographing. 

"So what do you think?" he asked, as a hand appeared at the small of Sirius' back. Sirius let his camera fall around his neck as he reached back to take Remus' hand.

"It's very cool," he admitted and Remus kissed the side of his head. "How many places like this have you found?"

"A fair amount," Remus shrugged. "There are a few I like to go to regularly, some I used to go to more often but now the Met seem to visit more and more. This one I've actually never been to myself. Want to explore it a bit further with me?"

Sirius nodded and gestured for Remus to lead the way. They'd already made their way a few floors up, but there were still some more to go and Remus had more experience with this. If Sirius led, he'd probably fall in a hole while trying to take pictures.

Sure enough, Remus caught him once or twice before he would have undoubtedly rolled his ankle or slipped down a stair. He was getting some really great shots though, both with and without Remus in them, in case he didn't want to be shown on Sirius' feed. He was hanging back to get a shot down an interestingly lit hallway when Remus headed through a door and Sirius heard his voice faintly before the door closed behind him.

"Whoa, weird," Remus said. Sirius wandered in after him, distracted by his camera as he focused on playing with the exposure settings.

"What's weird?" Sirius asked, finally looking up as the door closed behind him too, encasing them both in darkness. The only light came from his tiny camera screen and the dim flashlight on Remus' phone across the room. Sirius didn't like this. "Oh."

His breathing became more shallow and he backed towards the door. Was that rain? No, it couldn't be rain, right? Not here - there was bright sunlight just on the other side of this door.

"Sirius, you okay?"

The light from Remus' phone headed toward Sirius as he fumbled with the doorknob and practically fell out of the room, back into daylight. He sucked in a deep breath, feeling like a weight had lifted off his chest, but he was still having trouble putting together a cohesive thought.

"Come on," Remus gently helped him up. "Come, this'll help, I promise."

Sirius barely registered their wobbly ascent in the stairwell, but eventually, Remus led them through an old fire door that deposited them on a rooftop. They stood there together in the sun, Sirius' back to Remus' chest, Remus' arms tight around him as he regained control of his breathing again.

"You're afraid of the dark," Remus stated. It wasn't a judgment or said to tease Sirius, it was pure understanding. Sirius pushed forward out of Remus' embrace toward the ledge at the end of the roof, rubbing his face before turning to him.

"It's more than that," Sirius let out a sigh. Well, didn't he say last night that they should discuss his fears in the daytime? Guess now was the time. "It's being trapped in a dark, windowless room with no way out and no one to hear you scream for help. Or at least, no one to care as you scream for help..."

His knees buckled and Sirius slid down the ledge to sit on the concrete roof, his head in his hands. Remus sat beside him, giving him a little bit of space in case Sirius would rather not be touched at this moment, but there if he needed him, for which Sirius was grateful. Remus stayed silent, and Sirius assumed he was giving him time to figure out what he wanted to say. When Sirius finally started talking again, he was staring at a spot on the roof in front of them, his eyes unfocused.

"They used to lock me in the basement when I wouldn't listen," he started softly. "Before Orion started getting his hands dirty for a bruised jaw or broken rib, Mother used to just haul me down the steps, leave me until he came home or until the next meal... one time for days."

Remus sucked in a breath beside him and Sirius found that he was afraid to look up at him. He didn't want to see pity there; he wouldn't be able to handle it. Instead, he just kept going, knowing he should just get it all out there now in case Remus decided he wanted to cut and run. It'd be better for him to do it now, rather than later, right?

"No light ever made it in, but-" Sirius heard his voice crack, and he could have kicked himself. "The rain did. In hindsight, I _know_ it was never enough to collect, y'know? I'd just hear the sound of it and feel the dampness along the ground and in the darkness, my mind would imagine it growing, spreading, deepening to pull me under and drown me. I used to try to climb away from the floor, but there was nothing to get on top of... I remember... I remember always yelling. Screaming, really - for Regulus. It was too much for me to ask - he would have gotten in so much trouble if he'd helped me - but I always hoped he would."

Sirius sniffled and he realized a few tears had streamed silently down his cheek.

"I was always glad he didn't, of course, once I was let out," he continued. "It helped solidify his position as the good son - meant he wouldn't get hurt. I never wanted him to get hurt."

Remus finally gathered Sirius into his arms and Sirius collapsed against him, sucking in a ragged breath.

"Your parents ought to be thrown in fucking jail," Remus nearly growled and Sirius was surprised at the ferocity in his voice. That wasn't pity, it was anger - James had reacted similarly when he'd discovered some of what Orion did when Sirius was home on holiday.

"That room is where I go when I have nightmares still," Sirius explained against Remus' chest. "It fills with water faster than should be possible... it's where I've gone every night this week-"

Remus's grip on him tightened.

"Since Regulus," Sirius finished.

"How can I help you right now?" Remus asked. "I'm sorry this place reminded you of that... Do you want to go home?"

"You couldn't have known," Sirius shook his head. "...Can we go somewhere with people? Maybe the Co-op?"

"Of course," Remus said and moved to help Sirius up. "Anything you want."

* * *

The Co-op was definitely helping. He was surrounded by friends and laughter and light. There were no events tonight and any kids staying the night were already upstairs in the shelter, so the space was empty but for a small circle that had gathered on the couches, a few pizzas between them.

"Flipping hell, what about that time you hired a mariachi band to follow McGonagall?" Dorcas interjected, sitting in her girlfriend, Marlene's lap. For a laugh, they were discussing some of the less decent things James and Sirius had gotten up to in boarding school, which was helping improve Sirius' mood tremendously. "I had a double with her that day - I coulda killed you!"

"I thought it was ace," Marlene was giggling along with everyone else.

"Oi, you didn't have to sit there with 'em for nearly four hours!" But Dorcas was laughing now too. 

"That's got nothing on the last April Fool's prank we pulled," James said, remembering fondly. Sirius smiled and buried his face in Remus' shoulder. If Remus was getting annoyed with how clingy Sirius had been this evening, he wasn't saying anything. Sirius hadn't let go of his hand since Remus had pulled him upright on the roof this afternoon.

"I can't believe we didn't get expelled for that," Sirius was laughing into Remus' arm.

"Hey, we helped with that one!" Fab said proudly, high-fiving his brother. Sirius looked up at Remus, still smiling.

"We started recruiting for bigger pranks by our final year," Sirius said.

"All the staff desks were exactly the same, see," James explained. "So Sirius had this idea to remove the top drawer from each desk - not get rid of them, mind you - but switch them all. The drawer from one desk might have ended up in a different hallway or even _building_ altogether. The morning where everyone tried to find their correct drawer was absolute _chaos._ "

The whole group was roaring now, Remus included, and he looked over at Sirius fondly.

"The staff must have hated you," he was still laughing.

"On the contrary, I was a _delight_ ," Sirius jokingly sounded offended. "I think my personal favorite is still the pumpkin prank we pulled one Halloween."

"Discuss," Remus prompted while the others cackled, already knowing the story. 

"It was the first time I realized what social media could do, y'know?" Sirius began. "We had this online group where we'd be able to share notes or discuss lessons we didn't fully grasp. One day, I thought to myself, _This is a giant bulletin board_ , right? So I post one evening, "Everyone please bring two pumpkins to class on the 31st and place them in a decorative spot around the school before the first bell." And people just... listened?"

"Keep in mind, we had 1200 students at our school," Lily said between bouts of laughter. "There were over 2000 pumpkins around the hallways and classrooms and school grounds before 7 am."

"Mine were on each of the toilets in the main wing," Benjy reminisced.

"Lining the hallway outside the headmaster's door so he'd have to jump around them to get out of his office," Marlene raised her hand, smirking.

"We brought in wayyy more than two," Gideon said proudly.

"Filled the supply closet so they all tumbled out when they went to get bin bags," Fabian finished, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Do you remember there was a group that blocked the staff lot with a huge line of them?" Benjy recalled. Sirius' grip on Remus' hand tightened. "They couldn't get in to park for like an hour!"

"Yeah, who the heck was that again?" Fab asked.

"Me," a voice broke in from behind them, "and a few others from my grade."

A circle of eyes snapped to land on Regulus, who stood with his hands in his pockets and the faintest of smiles on his lips. He must have come in unnoticed while they were all laughing.

James was up on his feet before any of them, followed closely, Sirius was heartened to see, by Remus. Rather than storm up to Regulus like James though, Remus stepped before Sirius protectively, still holding his hand.

"What," James spat, "are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to apologize for the other day," Regulus' eyes slid past him to Sirius on the couch. "Can we go somewhere to talk?"

"He's not going anywhere with one of you," James put a finger on Regulus' chest and Remus took a step forward.

"Don't," Sirius said gently to Remus, dropping his hand and stepping around him. "James, leave him alone. We can talk."

Remus put his other hand out to Sirius' arm. "Are you sure?"

Sirius smiled at him reassuringly and nodded before Remus' hand dropped back down. He gestured for Regulus to follow him and led him into the Moon Room, closing the door behind them. Sirius absently rolled the ring in his eyebrow as he gazed at the stars across the wall.

"Do they know what happened at home, after each of those pranks got back to Mother and Father during holiday?" Regulus asked and Sirius spun to face him.

"Is that why you came here?" he shot back. "To remind me again of the mistakes I made while living in that house?"

Regulus looked startled for a moment before composing his face into a complacent mask again.

"No," he replied. "No, I'm sorry-I meant what I said before. I want to apologize. It wasn't fair of me to blame you for leaving me there."

Sirius was silent as he watched Regulus, trying to decide what exactly this was.

"I noticed," Regulus said quietly, "you didn't stop posting."

"You going to warn me again?" Sirius derided, but Regulus shook his head earnestly.

"No," he said again. "I-I wanted to know..."

"I'm not giving you my sources-"

"How you find the courage." Regulus finished and whatever Sirius expected, it wasn't that. "How did you stand up to them? Constantly? With what they did to you, you still stood up every day. How... did you do it? How did you _leave_? How are you _still standing up_?"

Regulus' voice was just a whisper, but it was cutting through Sirius like a knife.

"You're trying to leave," he realized.

"I can't leave," Regulus shook his head and Sirius knew it was Orion speaking the words.

"You could," Sirius stared at his brother before him, no longer a mere five feet tall and drowning in their school uniform. He was now head to head with Sirius. In fact, they'd both likely be Orion's height at this point, Sirius realized. He tried to imagine what was pushing Regulus to want to leave now, a full decade after Sirius had offered him a way out, and his eyes widened. "You've met someone."

Regulus met his eyes, alarmed.

"You've met someone our parents didn't set you up with," Sirius continued, "someone without a pedigree, someone... impure." Their parents' words were flooding back into his head with the sound of pouring rain.

"I should go," Regulus said quickly, wrenching the door open and heading toward the Co-op entrance. Sirius followed.

"Regulus!" He called after him, ignoring the group staring from the couches.

"Forget it, Sirius," Regulus said curtly. "I shouldn't have come."

"Then why _did you_?" he shouted, pausing as Regulus swept through the front door and it closed behind him. Sirius sank to the ground for the second time that day, his head falling into his hands. "Why?"

Arms were around him again and he smelled the cigarette smoke and lavender scent that Remus carried with him.

"Do you want company tonight?" he heard Remus offer and Sirius nodded, grateful that he didn't have to beg Remus himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps, did a lot of research on school pranks for this story and each one that made it into this chapter is at least loosely based on a real prank that happened somewhere, which i find hilarious.


End file.
